Via yoshiko314

At least I recognize this. It is the first step. I want to be ever-mindful. I want to feel what I'm feeling, give it a  voice, listen to it, honor it, respect it and exist in a happy place inside.

I remember Rameen saying to create open space. The yoga practice I'm doing creates open space, and I am given an opportunity to observe what it feels like, what rushes in there, how that space behaves and how I treat it.

I just want to curl up and hide. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep. I want to cry. For me, I want to cry for me. I feel sad, and I don't know why. I want to be in touch with myself. I am noticing things and these truths I am learning can not be unlearned. Even if I don't want to know, now I know and that can't be undone.

I read my travel blog last night and noticed all the lovely comments people were making about what I wrote. If I were to do it again, I would go so much deeper. I would want to pay attention to the people around me. I would want to have photos of the folks that opened up their homes and apartments to us. I would want to describe how they existed, how they looked at me, what they said or tried to say. How did I respond to them.

That lady in Jezera, how sweet she was! To let us use her laundry, and make us Turkish coffee, and drive us to our diving lessons.

I want to learn how to say "write anything you want in this book" in the language used where I find myself on my big adventure. I want to keep a collection of thoughts offered by those who have by divine design come into contact with me on my trip. Will they simply wish me well and say "nice to meet you"? I need affirmation that the beauty I want to find in myself is really there to be found.

I think Michele B. said that best yesterday... she said most people are afraid to go inside because the great fear is that there will be nothing there. I can't be scared of nothing! I must have FAITH that there will be beautiful surprises around every corner.

Lovely lady, your belly is full now and you are sleepy. Food baby and food coma. But you are mindful that this is an escape into unmindfulness. You are doing such a wonderful job of noticing things. Be patient with yourself that this mindfulness you are exploring will serve you well for the rest of your life. You will become more comfortable with open space and emptiness than with sensation-blocking fullness. I know it.

Dear Zak,

This is just a quick reminder about Saturday's intensive, full-day
Film Financing Workshop on SUCCEEDING AS A FILM ENTREPRENEUR.

Organized by the Institute for Int'l Film Financing (IIFF), this
hands-on seminar in Hollywood will be taught by Dr. Frank Greene, a
world-class entrepreneur & VENTURE CAPITALIST of 40 years. Dr. Greene
founded two successful companies, took two public, sold several
others, invested in dozens more, runs his own Silicon Valley-based
venture fund, and helps finance films.

Don't miss unique opportunity to learn from one of the best! Take
advantage of our ONLINE REGISTRATION DISCOUNT by signing up at ...

http://gla.filmfinancing.org/051708r

A strong command of the creative, technical & business aspects of
filmmaking is no longer enough in an environment where sophisticated
investors demand not just demonstrable expertise but DEPENDABLE
EXECUTION. To get a film funded, filmmakers must convince investors
that they are savvy entrepreneurs & capable leaders who can
competently steer their venture from funding to completion to payoff.

Designed to EMPOWER FILM ENTREPRENEURS to get their projects funded,
the Workshop's HIGHLY TOPICAL PROGRAM is sure to satisfy even the most
discriminating professionals:

SESSION I - LEADERSHIP
Becoming a Better Leader: Understand & Improve Your Leadership
Skills
* Learn to use all your leadership skills to full effect
* Leadership rules for building successful teams
* How to handle filmmaking challenges through leadership

SESSION II - STRATEGY
Strategy For Success: Funding & Executing Your Film Project
* Develop inspiring vision to propel your venture forward
* Define how your film creates value for investors
* Develop project strategy that can be funded & executed

SESSION III - PITCH
Winning Over Investors: Pitch Presentations That Produce Results
* Understand & address needs of venture investors
* Develop message & delivery to truly connect with investors
* How to persuade investors & turn them into supporters

AND MUCH MORE! Complete event details, including a comprehensive
list of topics & full instructor bio, as well as DISCOUNTED ONLINE
REGISTRATION are still available at ...

http://gla.filmfinancing.org/051708r

Questions? Visit http://gla.filmfinancing.org/forum to get answers
in IIFF's community forum.

Care to network online? Browse to http://gla.filmfinancing.org/group
to join our LinkedIn Group.

We live in a time of UNPARALLELED OPPORTUNITY in independent film
finance. Make the most of it while it lasts! Learn about the
fundamentals as well as latest trends, and connect with like-minded
professionals. IIFF was established in 2003 for that very purpose,
and has since organized successful education & networking events in
many cities across the U.S.

Please join us on Saturday for a one-of-a-kind learning experience
at the junction of venture capital & independent film!

Best regards,
Your Friends at IIFF

P.S.: Other upcoming events include our San Francisco Townhall on
Thu, 5/15 ... http://sfb.filmfinancing.org/051508s

P.P.S.: Bring your film venture to the attention of FilmAngels, the
world's first professional angel investor group for film. Simply
leave an exec. summary or treatment with IIFF's registration desk.
Their next Deal Screening Meeting (DSM) is scheduled for Thu, 5/29!
The most promising film entrepreneurs from FilmAngels' monthly DSMs
are featured at an upcoming Investor Gala alongside JIM CARREY &
JENNY MCCARTHY.

Indonesia Ketemu China di Final

Diakhiri dengan pukulan silang setelah pengembalian bola dari lawannya, Karin Schnaase, tunggal ketiga Indonesia Pia Zebadiah, memastikan tim Piala Uber Indonesia melangkah ke final untuk menghadapi juara bertahan China.

www. inilah.com

Pekik sorak-sorai penonton pun meledak bersamaan dengan pecahnya tangis Pia. Lambaian tangan ia arahkan kepada ibunya, Yul Asteria Zakaria, yang duduk di barisan kursi penonton. Air matanya masih terus mengalir, meski sudah berulang kali ia seka.

Pia mendapat ucapan selamat dari penonton yang tidak berhenti bersorak merayakan kemenangan tim putri Indonesia itu. Susi Susanti pun menghampiri Pia dan mereka saling berpelukan. Manajer Tim Piala Uber Indonesia itupun tak kuasa membendung air matanya.

"Pia itu cerdik dan lincah dalam permainannya. Dia mirip Mia (Audina)," kata Susi. Pia menentukan kemenangan Indonesia 3-1 atas Jerman, setelah dia menghentikan perlawanan Karin Schnaase dengan 21-7 dan 21-16.

Tangis Pia yang tak juga berhenti hingga saat berada di ruang ganti, mengundang rasa penasaran. Apa mungkin, kemenangan itu yang membuatnya begitu sangat terharu, jika Sabtu (17/5) masih harus menghadapi lawan paling tangguh, juara bertahan China.

Tangis haru sedramatis itu rasanya hanya pantas tumpah jika nanti Indonesia berhasil mengalahkan China di final, sekaligus berarti merebut kembali Piala Uber yang sudah lepas sejak 10 tahun lalu.

Setelah ditanyakan langsung pada gadis kelahiran Medan pada 22 Januari 1989 itu, tangisnya kembali pecah. Ia berusaha sekuatnya menahan tangis, yang kali ini tampak jelas memancarkan kesedihan di dalam hatinya.

Setelah ia mampu menguasai perasaan dan menghentikan tangisnya, Pia dengan suara terbata-bata berucap, "Entah kenapa, hari ini saya sangat kangen sama bapak yang belum lama meninggal dunia. Tadi malam saya tak bisa tidur, karena terbayang-bayang terus wajah bapak."

Terungkaplah, apa yang menyebabkan Pia begitu haru. Dia tak hanya haru akhirnya mampu menyelesaikan tugas sebagai penentu kemenangan Indonesia. Air matanya berderai karena dia masih bersedih atas meninggalnya sang bapak, Djumharbey Anwar, 1 April lalu.

Adik kandung pemain ganda putra Markis Kido yang juga memperkuat Tim Piala Thomas Indonesia ini, bermain dengan tekad kuat untuk mempersembahkan kemenangan buat almarhum bapaknya, yang telah terbaring dalam damai selamanya di Pemakaman Kebon Nanas, Jakarta Timur.

"Belum lama 40 hari meninggalnya bapak. Saya kangen banget. Saya merasa sulit konsentrasi dan tidak yakin bisa meraih kemenangan hari ini. Saya juga tidak menduga kemenangan yang saya raih justru menjadi penentu langkah Indonesia ke final," ujarnya dengan suara parau.

Pia memang sangat dekat dengan bapaknya. Ia mengaku, sangat menganggumi bapaknya yang selalu memberikan dukungan besar terhadap setiap cita-cita anaknya. "Dia sangat mendukung saya dan Kak Markis menjadi atlet bulutangkis," tutur Pia.

Selain Markis dan Pia, anak Djumharbey yang menjadi pebulutangkis dan menghuni Pelatnas Cipayung adalah Bona Septano. Saat ayahnya berpulang, Bona sedang berada di India mengikuti kejuaraan India Terbuka. Sedangkan Markis dan Pia sedang mempersiapkan diri menghadapi Piala Thomas dan Uber.

Pia mengakui, persiapannya tidak baik menghadapi Piala Uber yang untuk pertama kalinya ia ikuti. Karena itu pula, dia tidak mengira selalu mampu menyumbangkan kemenangan bagi Tim Uber Indonesia. Apalagi, ia sendiri merasa prestasinya selama ini belum terlihat.

Dalam berbagai kejuaraan individu yang diikuti, dia masih sering terhenti di babak pertama. Di All England, misalnya, ia langsung tersingkir di babak awal, setelah dikalahkan Cheng Shao-Cheh dari China Taipeh. Di Swiss Super Series, malah sudah tersingkir di babak kualifikasi ketika kalah dari Salkajit Ponsana dari Thailand.

Bicara prestasi pada turnamen individu, Pia memang belum ada apa-apanya. Tetapi, di Piala Uber ia menjelma menjadi pemain yang agresif menyerang dan tangguh bertahan. Dia bermain bagai singa lapar yang mengejar kemanapun bola dan mematikan lawan dengan terjangan smesnya.

Sangat jelas terlihat, Pia memang bermain dengan teknik yang biasa-biasa saja. Strategi permainannya pun tidak seistimewa Susi Susanti, yang menyebutnya mirip dengan gaya bermain Mia Audina.

Tapi, yang membuat Pia menjadi luar biasa di lapangan adalah semangat juang, ambisi menang, dan motivasi yang terinspirasi untuk memberikan kemenangan kepada almarhum bapaknya. Entah, Pia merupakan atlet keberapa yang menjadi bukti bahwa motivasi tak pernah mati ataupun dibawa mati. [I4]

]]> http://elsitiocuautla.wordpress.com/?p=102 Thu, 15 May 2008 18:50:28 +0000 vidal http://elsitiocuautla.wordpress.com/?p=102 SE PRESENTARÁ UNA PROPUESTA ALTERNA

Sheinbaum presentará hoy propuesta alterna sobre Pemex

La secretaria de patrimonio nacional del “gobierno legítimo”, presentará una propuesta alterna para fortalecer Petróleos Mexicanos (Pemex) y al sector energético, sin privatizar la paraestatal. “Es una opción totalmente diferente a la iniciativa entreguista que envió al Congreso del espurio de Felipe Calderón”, anunció aquí Andrés Manuel López Obrador.

Brasil com México
Uma novela co-produzida pela Record com a mexicana TV Azteca é a mais forte candidata ao terceiro horário de teledramaturgia da emissora a partir de julho, quando acabar “Amor e intrigas”.

In countries like North Korea, Iran, and Libya, individuals and organizations have been required to register communication tools like modems and cell phones with the government. Such countries want to know exactly who has the capacity to express “dangerous” ideas.

The state of Indiana has recently added itself to this illustrious honor roll. The legislature has passed a law requiring businesses to register and pay a $250 fee if they sell any "sexually explicit material."

That would include Salinger’s “Catcher In the Rye,” episodes of “NYPD Blue” the FCC has labeled indecent, and reproductions of Michelangelo’s “David,” whose world-famous arms, legs, face, and hands come burdened with a world-famous penis.

The law’s sponsor claims that it’s intended to reduce the availability of porn—a dubious goal at best (and unconstitutional, according to a group suing the state, including the Indianapolis Museum of Art and the National Association of Recording Merchandisers). So busting the ballet or opera shouldn’t be a problem, says State Representative Terry Goodin, because "Individuals, corporations, companies know whether or not they're selling pornography."

Tell that to broadcasters who wouldn’t air “Saving Private Ryan” last Memorial Day for fear the FCC would bankrupt them with “indecency” fines.

But the inclusion of high-class erotic stuff isn’t what makes the Indiana law destructive and unAmerican—it just highlights the problem of deciding which expression deserves legal protection whenever a legislature attempts to say that some of it does and some of it doesn’t.

The answer, according to our Constitution, is that it all does, or none of it does.

This is hard for some people to understand or approve of. So let’s say it clearly: in the radical American political system, the right to express ideas is singled out as sacred, protected above all others.

Every American’s right to say, write, paint, dance, sing, film, and otherwise express an idea is protected, regardless of the content of the idea. And the more people object to the content of the idea, the more firmly it must be protected.

All the rest, as Rabbi Hillel said 20 centuries ago, is commentary.

Technorati: sexual freedom, sexual repression, censorship, sexual intelligence, sexual censorship, sexual politics, war on sex, America's war on sex, sexual rights, sex education, pornography

แต่แล้วก็เสือกบังเอิญรับโทรศัพท์ ก็งานเข้าเลยยยยยยยยย  โทรศัพท์ที่บ้านดังก่อน ดังมาหลายคืนติดต่อกันแล้ว พร้อมรับสายการไม่มีคนพูด ข้างบ้านยิ่งมีคนงานมาต่อเติมบ้านอยู่ จิตใจไม่อยู่กับเนื้อกับตัวเลย 555 เพราะตูนเองเป็นคนที่อะไรนิอะไรหน่อยก็ได้ยินหรือรู้สึกไม่สบาย นั่งทำงานอยู่ประมาณ 5 ทุ่มโทรศัพท์บ้านดัง แม่ลุกไปรับสาย โมโหเลยเพราะว่า ไม่มีใครพูด ... ครั้งที่ 2 ก็ไม่มีคนพูด....ผ่านไปประมาณเกือบตี 1 ได้มั้ง มือถือตูนดัง  ใครอ่ะ เสียงโทรศัพท์ของตูนแทบจะไม่ดังมานานมากแล้ว เพราะใครโทรมาจะไม่ได้รับ จนเขารังเกียจไม่อยากจะโทรมาหาแล้ว 555 ( เพิ่งจะรู้ตัวเอง )555

ดังประมาณ 3 ครั้งก็รับ แล้วก็ได้รู้ว่า ใครเป็นคนโทรมา ตลอดเวลาที่แม่ตูนรับและมือถือตูน

ปลายสายถามว่าทำไมไม่รับโทรศัพท์เลย พยายามติดต่อมาแต่ไม่กล้าจะขอสายตูน ( ถ้าโทรเบอร์บ้าน คนอื่นรับปลายสายจะวางหู )ปลายสายบอกว่า พยายามติดต่อกับเพื่อนตูน ว่าทำไมเกิดอารายขึ้น มีใครสามารถติดต่อได้หรือเปล่า เหตุผลที่ปลายสายโทรมา เพื่ออยากจะเจอ อยากจะทานข้าว ปลายสายบอกว่า คิดว่าคืนนี้ ตูนต้องรับเพราะตูนเป็นคนเปิดโทรศัพท์ตลอดและคิดว่า ตูนคงจะรำคาญจนต้องหลับสาย 555

ปลายสายคิดถูกต้อง  อยากจะบอกปลายสาย เหมือนกันว่า  คิดถึงมากมาย แต่ศักดิ์ศรีมันค้ำคอและไม่อยากกลืนน้ำลายตัวเอง บางครั้งตูนอยากจะทำอะไรไปก็ไม่สามารถทำตามใจตัวเองได้  จะให้ตูนไปทำอะไรแบบเด็กๆๆ คงไม่ได้ เป็นกำลังใจให้สู้สู้กับการทำงานนะ คุณมีกำลังใจและที่ปรึกษาที่ดีข้างๆๆ อยู่แล้ว ตูนก็แค่ ไม่ใช่คนที่คุณฝัน

คนที่ใช่กับคนที่ฝัน มันเป็นคนละคนกันค่ะ

Ku merasa dunia tak mengertiku, semua tak sesuai dengan apa yang kuinginkan….

Hidup terasa membosankan karena tak sesuai dengan apa yang ku mau..

Tapi ku tau, dunia tak berputar hanya untukku…

Haruskah ku memaksa dunia untuk mengikutiku?

Mengapa bukan diriku saja yang berubah menyesuaikan dengan dunia?

Menyakitkan memang, karena akan banyak ego yang terbunuh disana, mengalah pada hal yang aku pun tak terlalu suka. Tapi dunia menuntutku…

Bukan hanya diriku yang ada di dunia ini…

Ketidakberdayaanku ternyata akan membuat sodaraku yang lain jadi menanggung bebab kerja yang seharusnya kulakukan

Menyakitkan memang, saat dimana sebenarnya diriku lah yang sakit, tapi aku dituntut mengingat sodaraku yang lain….

Karena ternyata, disanalah arti kelapangan hati…..arti ikhlas, arti pasrah….

Dimana hanya Allah Sang Pelipur lara, Sang Penerima Keluhan.

Karena terkadang manusia tak bisa menjadi pendengar yang baik, kadang mereka bosan, kadang mereka hanya pura2 mendengarkan..

Maka untuk apa bergantung pada makhluk yang dapat mengecewakan???

Ketika tak seorang pun mengerti,, bukankah ada Allah?

Saat tak ada seorang pun yang tau, bukankah ada Allah?

Saat air mata tak terbendung lagi, bukankah ada Allah untuk mengadu?

Saat hati teluka amat sangat, bukankah ada Allah, kepadaNya kita mengeluh….

Saat tak ada penghargaan atas jerih payah, bukankah ikhlas hadiah yang paling indah, karena Allah?

Saat cacian dan hinaan datang, ada sabar karena Allah….

Apa lagi yang kurang, kalau kau punya matahari dan bulan?

Ada siang dan malam..

Siang yang mengerti kecerahan hatimu, dan malam yang tau jika kau sedang terluka….

Apa lagi yang kurang, kalau kau punya Allah?

Con la proyección de esta cinta y la celebración del correspondiente debate al finalizar la misma habremos completado el programa previsto para este curso de 2007/08. Esperamos que esta actividad haya resultado de vuestro agrado y contamos con vosotros para el curso que viene en el que.

¡No faltes!

FICHA TÉCNICA

Título original: The Burning Season

Director: John Frankenheimer

Reparto: Raul Julia, Carmen Argenziano, Sonia Braga, Kamala Lopez-Dawson, Luis Guzmán, Nigel Havers, Tomas Milian, Esai Morales, Tony Plana, Marco Rodríguez,
Edward James Olmos

Guión: Andrew Revkin y William Mastrosimone
Fotografía: John R. Leonetti
Música: Gary Chang

Género: Drama. USA 1994. 117 minutos.

LA HISTORIA:

Se trata de una biografía sobre la vida de Chico Mendes, un defensor del medio ambiente que fue asesinado mientras trataba de detener la destrucción total de los bosques húmedos del planeta.

Chico Mendes defendió la Amazonia, tratando de evitar la destrucción de la zona vegetal más importante del planeta. Para ello tuvo que enfrentarse con gobiernos, empresas y terratenientes.

El grupo Maná le dedicó su canción “Cuando Los Ángeles Lloran” en la que lo reconocen como "un defensor y un ángel de toda la Amazonia”.

Its official, i recieved the nomination and endorsement from the NY County GOP and will be running for NY Assembly D72 as a Republican. Below is a small excerept from my 20 minute speech that nailed my nomination.

Lets start with a call to action. It is now time for the democrats to step down and get a real job! As mentioned by my fellow republican candidates, this is a turning point for the republican party in new york. A lot of people are not happy with what government has given them and in many instances have become apathetic. They feel government does not hold the answer, but what is the alternative?

The message of limited government, freedom of choice, individuals in control of the economy and the ability to keep the fruits of their labor have begun to resonate among the population. Need only to look at the un-expected appeal of Ron Pauls campaign and that he finished second behind McCain in my district.

Empowering the people with a message of personal responsibility and self reliance will draw them to the Republican party. This is not just a republican message, but an American message.

I am running because I do not like what are government is handing our future generations in New York. A government of more regulation, higher taxes, fewer choices, more debt and in turn less prosperity. This frustrates me, especially when the only solutions I see are more government and expanding the welfare state which can only put us on a road to serfdom.

Where do we start? Education. The bureaucrats have given us a elementary and secondary school system ranked 17 among 30 developed nations.  While in math, even worse, only 4 nations faired worse. Education is the number one reason for the inequality in income gaps, certainly affecting the minorities unfairly. Educating one’s children should be left to the parents, teachers and the community, not the dysfunction in Washington.

Regarding future job growth, the next “industrial revolution” is in intellectual and conceptual property which requires a pool of workers trained highly in science and math. Manufacturing jobs are not returning and soon a lot of service jobs will follow. These are the truths relating to a global market place. We need to better prepare our students in science and math or NY will loose its competitiveness in the global market. The prosperity of all new Yorkers are at stake

I plan on presenting bold initiatives to address the needed changes.

1. Adopt a competitive salary range for math and science teachers, move away from the flat pay system.
2. Competition (freedom of choice) in schools with vouchers, more charter schools and tax credits.
3. Remove formal barriers to teacher certification and enhance the teacher fellowship program.
4. More teacher/administrator accountability. Track teacher and student performance and make the achievement of tenure more difficult.
5. Need to address the bottom quarter of poor performing teachers and remove them from the system.

 I am ready to confront Mr. Espailat on the challenges facing the future of NY and the people of district 72. I will offer voters a breath of fresh air and hope.  I will ensure them that I will not continue to subsidize poverty, I'll let them use their creativity to build a brighter future and remind them that government simply is here to protect their individual rights and their property.

then i spoke about my self and took questions from the district leaders present which i spoke more on addtional issues such as small business, health care, housing and the ever popular MTA. It went very well, some mentioned they havent seen such a conservative candidate in some time. Thats Right! Time to send a true conservative to Albany. A Republican in NYC, wont be easy, but I plan on presenting a "in your face" relentless campaign. Let the fun begin!

Thank you.

i'm like so so totally 100% obsessed with my weight now.. my new hobby ** weighing myself in the morning and at night.. in between as and when i feels like it.. ** muhaha...

i'm gonna keep my weight below 45KG! Even though my stupid BMI claims that i am underweight.. 16. something.. hehe...

HOWEVER! DAMN IT! couldnt resist the temptation to eating potato chips and ham and cheese sandwich.. argh.. feeling so guilty now... lols.. nvm... no more food after 7 liao.. from later onwards..

jie jie ging to wear my pretty dress during the weekend.. BETTER DONT DIRTY IT! warning i tell YOU! otherwise.. even if it means ordering it online... YOU must BUY me one NEW piece! speaking of which.. my white polo t.. mummy said she will bleach it for me.. till now haven even buy the bleach... * HMMM *

i'm so freaking full that i cant let myself fall asleep! must wait till at least 3... or even later... yawn.. mayb i shall just sleep on the table! lols.. hehe

I need to buy more hairclips and rubber bands... hehe

yaya.. everyone is scolding me.. ( sleep so late! GO diet YOUR head... ! EAT K?! ) lols.. hehe.. I REFUSED to follow ... HUMPH! LOLS... dont you know that the more a leo is restricted the more she will NOT follow?! MUHAHA i totally refuse! UNLESS SMELLY says nO! i might consider listening! HEHE

feeling real tired... if i had known that i would feel this terrible after those chips and sandwich i'll never let them enter my mouth!lucky i gt my secret weapon! MUHAHA!

**grinS** 21st or 25th?? i cant remember leh.. LOLS... 2 wks LATER!

En fin, eso es.

We took him to the doc's and he had blood drawn (and let me just say, needles and toddlers do not mix) and sure enough, a tense few hours later we heard back that the boy did, indeed, have ITP and we'd have to beat it up to Children's Mercy in KC so he could get an arm full of gamma globulin (though it might have been the other immune system restarter, I'm not sure.  It's buried in the paperwork somewhere.) and then we'd have to wait and see if it worked.

There was a scream that he issued when the nurse was removing the tape around his IV that was detrimental to my soul.  Children's Mercy is all decked out in bright colors and fun shapes and lots and lots of animals, like giraffes and zebras and lions and all that.  For several nights after we got home, he'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming.  We'd ask what was wrong and he'd say, "The zoo hurt me".  

Gawd, he's only three.

Tuesday, though, we took him to the local pediatrician again and he had another blood draw, which he really, really hated.  But, wonder of wonders, his platelets had jumped from a 7 on Friday, to 182, which was a full 32 points above the minimum for healthy humans.  He was even cleared to go back to daycare.  We'll go back every so often now, to make sure he's up to snuff.  ITP, I was told, wasn't a genetic thing.  It's not contagious.  It just seems that some folk are predispositioned to acquiring this diagnosis of exclusion after 1) periods of long sickness mixed with 2) fever treatments that thin the blood.

Both me and he were in a similar situation.  He was sick for most of the winter, right up to spring, and we treated his fevers with Motrin, which is a known blood thinner.  I was sick through October and treated my fevers with asprin and Advil.

No more of those for us.  We'll just have to find alternatives.

Those were a long five days, let me tell you.  The whole time, i visualized the title of this entry.  I had to, because when i didn't I turned into a blubbery mess.

I wrestle with the idea of a Diety so much.  I should just get off the fence about it, but there are so may unknowns surrounding it, I wind up waffling one way and then the other.  Calling myself agnostic seems like such a cop-out but it's true.

 I guess.  Har har. 

If I were to die tomorrow, would the part of me, the Whatever That Goes Beyond part, wind up in Limbo because i didn't have enough guts to say outloud that I talk to, even plead with an imaginary Something from time to time?  That I would no longer be cool if I did so?  Or is that just some strange guilt complex begging for air?

Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's some big white guy with flowing locks sitting on clouds and smiting folks with lightning bolts whenever someone forgets to wash their hands seven times on the second Tuesday before the next full moon, or anything like that.  I'm not in the yellow pages looking for a church to join because I know myself well enough to understand I'll become really frustrated with Church Agenda Mechanics, really quickly.  I do, however, think there's a dynamic kind of Something that's carefully patient with us, perhaps made manifest because we're here to begin with.  We both need each other, in other words, to be cognizant.  We're slowly bringing each other into focus over time, gradually removing filters. 

I don't know for sure.  The silly part is my imaginary friend (who's hopped up like Morgan Freeman right now because that's what all the fashionable Diety figureheads are wearing these days) is slowly shaking his head at me, a look of pity and frustration on his face and my heart becomes like cardboard at the sight.  I know there's fire and brimstone and all that buring behind those eyes.  And that's when I look at what I write and see the Borderline between the Sane and Insane, and determine that it is indeterminant, that it has a Heisenberg function to it, a Schrödinger's cat quality to it, so I'll just have to leave it to chance. 

What I do know is that my son is alive.  If giving thanks to something that can never (or won't, as the case may be) stand up to scientific analysis is crazy, then here.  These are the keys to my cell.  Lose them if you wish, that part doesn't matter anymore.  (Morgan Freeman nods.  "You were talking to me anyway, why lie about it?"  Gawd, I luv that voice.)  Perhaps there needs to be both kinds, the Yes's There Is's and No's There Isn'ts to keep it all from flying apart.

Thank you.

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn’t he danced his did.

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn’t they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone’s any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

     -- e. e. cummings

If the blog is too long, read it in portions. I can't put one in everyday. I read the New York Times thoroughly and also entered something about the gospel song writer, Dottie Rambo and then at the end, I relate Rauschenberg's understanding of change. That could give you a laugh.