• Bust out your hairspray: VH1, the network that seems to be vying with MTV for the title of “least culturally redeeming network” just gave the green light to Rock of Love 3 starring the ever-so-dated and syphilitic Bret Michaels. If you’re keeping count at home, the tally of reality unerotica shows on VH1 is up to 9, with three seasons of Flavor Flav tossing clocks and cock in the faces of fame-starved hussies, two seasons of the trashtastic Flavor of Love reject New York getting her toes hoovered, three seasons of an aging hair metal rocker using cable TV to get groupie love from women born after Poison stopped being relevant, and the refreshingly frank I Love Money, which contains a hodgepodge of sex-crazed rejects from the previous eight shows and is guaranteed to be at least mildly revolting. In somewhat related news, the stock of pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithKline, manufacturers of the Herpes management drug Valtrex, jumped up 15 points today.

• Honky Cream: In keeping with their trend of naming Ice Cream flavors after past-their-prime rock stars, Ben & Jerry’s has created “Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road” in honor of Sir Elton John. The limited edition flavor, with its mix of chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, white chocolate chunks, and some toffee-like substance called “butter brickle,” will donate all proceeds to the Elton John AIDS Foundation. As far as new partnerships for Ben & Jerry’s, here are some of the new flavors in the works:

- Milli Vanilli Swirl: Chocolate ice cream with vanilla swirls and little bits of chocolate in the shape of cassette tapes and dreadlocked heads. All proceeds would go to the “Ashley Simpson School of Lip Sync Design and Bad Dancing."

- Sweet Berry James: This new flavor is a unique blend of fresh strawberries, peaches, marshmallow, and James Taylor’s own tears. Any proceeds from this product will go to the first douchebag we find playing an acoustic guitar underneath a tree and telling girls about how much he’s grown as a person

- Zappa Zappa Ripple: We don’t really know what the hell’s in this ice cream. Frank Zappa just locked himself in our factory for a month and came out with a pint of something that was warm and smelled like Head & Shoulders. That was 17 years ago. We still haven’t sold any pints, but we’re too afraid to touch it.

• What’s in a name? In news of the entirely expected, Andy Dick was arrested yesterday. But, pray tell, what for? At about 1:00 in the morning, a very intoxicated Mr. Dick proceeded to urinate outside the bar of a Buffalo Wild Wings, following this performance by yanking the tank top and bra off of a 17-year old girl and fleeing to the parking lot of a Sam’s Club. Police found Dick, “extremely intoxicated” and with weed and Xanax in his pants. They then escorted him to the station where they took this picture, which is sure to go down in the Celebrity Mug Shot Hall of Fame beside photos of Nick Nolte, Rip Torn, and any picture ever taken of Gary Busey. Now, if that picture doesn’t scream sexual predator, then I just don’t know what does. At the very least these charges should keep Dick off of the streets, and more importantly off cable television, for some time.

• Extreme Makeover: Recession Edition: Today over 2,500 people showed up to the unveiling of a newly built home in West Chester for the ABC show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. People began showing up as early as 6:30 in the morning for the opportunity to yell the show's tagline, “Move that bus!” at the home's unveiling at 12:30 in the afternoon, thus proving unequivocally that there is nothing to do in West Chester. Sadly, the new owners of the house will have no neighbors as everybody else on their street took out sub-prime loans and had their houses foreclosed.

That’s all for This Week in What the Fuck. I leave you with an excerpt from a textbook used to teach 1st graders in Saudi Arabia:

“Fill in the blanks with the appropriate words—(Islam, hellfire)_'Every religion other than ____ is false. Whoever dies outside of Islam enters ____.'"

Jessica recently had "beef" with Pamela Anderson when she had some "choice words" for her. Pamela called her a "bitch" and a "whore" for wearing a shirt that said "Real Women Eat Meat". However on Thursday, during an Australian radio show Pammy stated that she was totally "kidding" when she called Jessica names. Jessica has come out saying that she is really hurt by the comments but Anderson insists she will not apologize.

The funny thing is that most people are thinking that Jessica wore that shirt to piss off Romo's ex-girlfriend Carrie Underwood who is a vegetarian. Boy did that backfire!

Go belly! Happy kids!

Wow, I never saw his couple lasting more then a hot weekend. He's so trendy nuevo-gay/bi, but I like him. She's got the best hair out there! Wow, I'm being nice??????? 

Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy has landed the cover story of the August 2008 issue of OUT Magazine. In the interview, he talks about sexuality, his childhood and Andy Warhol:

“Warhol impacted you in the ’80s whether you wanted or not,” he says, but after seeing Piero Manzoni’s Merda d’artista (literally, cans allegedly filled with “artist’s shit”) as a kid, he followed the theme to Warhol. Tributes to his hero fittingly run the gamut, from T-shirts -- one has Warhol’s name across the chest of a baseball-style jersey; another is a set of cartoon monster portraits with “Warholier than thou” as tagline -- to a new bar with an underground space modeled after Warhol’s less glamorous hangout, Max’s Kansas City."

Ashley Simpson Pete Wentz han confirmado que esperan su primer hijo, luego de que Pete lo había negado una y otra vez.

La pareja de recién casados quería esperar los tres primeros meses para confirmar la noticia y así lo han hecho. Por otro lado Ashley está cambiando su nombre a Ashley Wentz en honor a su esposo Pete. Ella dice que es algo que una mujer debe hacer luego que se casa, que es una linda tradición.

Mientras muchos especularon sobre esto, queríamos esperar hasta el primer trimestre para confirmar oficialmente que estamos esperando nuestro primer hijo. Este es el momento más increíble de nuestras vidas y estamos muy emocionados de compartir la feliz noticia y comenzar nuestra familia.

- Pete and Ashlee Wentz

]]> http://anonymousassistant.wordpress.com/?p=29 Thu, 29 May 2008 16:51:35 +0000 anonymousassistant http://anonymousassistant.wordpress.com/?p=29 Everybody has two business: their business and show business.

Millions subscribe to People. Millions more flip through it while waiting in line at the grocery store. Then here's Entertainment Weekly, Entertainment Tonight, and websites like TMZ and Perez Hilton, who update in intervals smaller than science is able to measure.

As someone who works in entertainment, it is a bit odd to know that everyone is curious about my business. My mom knows what the number one movie was this weekend; I have no idea what the best selling computer was.

This might be where all the egotism in Hollywood comes from. We have, after all, only one business, and everyone seems to be paying attention to it.

This is all a little silly, but there is a more pernicious effect. Due to what's called "Dunbar's number" (or the "monkeysphere," if you're into cheap jokes, like me), there is a limit to the number of people any individual can actually care about. This number is about 150.

What do I mean by "care about"? Imagine how you'd feel if your mother died. Now imagine if your best friend's mother died. Now imagine a mother in Burundi died. They're all tragic, but you feel it more strongly when the person is closer to you.

That's Dunbar's number.

Here's the thing. The more you know about someone, the more you identify with them. As David Wong explains:

"Think of Osama Bin Laden. Did you just picture a camouflaged man hiding in a cave, drawing up suicide missions? Or are you thinking of a man who gets hungry and has a favorite food and who had a childhood crush on a girl and who has athlete's foot and chronic headaches and wakes up in the morning with a boner and loves volleyball?

Something in you, just now, probably was offended by that. You think there's an effort to build sympathy for the murderous fuck. Isn't it strange how simply knowing random human facts about him immediately tugs at your sympathy strings?"

Do you know the names of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's kids? Do you know the names of your cousin's kids? Or even your sister's?

Think about how depressed some people got when Heath Ledger died. How many people got depressed over other 19,249 drug related deaths? The fact that it affected people shows that the brain can't distinguish between a real relationship and a synthetic, televised, intertubed relationship.

A friend in the office just told me that Ashley Simpson is pregnant. I'm pretty sure I just forgot the name of my best friend in 2nd grade.

By the way, who the fuck is Ashley Simpson?

With today's country music scene this just might work, or not.....Didn't Christina do a song called "Come On Over", oh yeah she did....

"Leave your dishes in the sink
Leave the ice cubes in your drink
Just come on over
Leave your coat behind the door
Leave your laundry on the floor
Just come on over"

I mean we all know you hate house work from watching Newlyweds, but come on Jess let him take those Ice Cubes out of his drink and make good use of them!

Here are some funny bites from the Newlyweds show...man I hope she sews her mouth shut one day.....

On roughing it: "Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?"

On the ups and downs of doing laundry: "It is fun putting it in, but then you have to fold it."

On the mysteries of the animal kingdom: "Why were there mouses?"

On the aftermath of death: "Rigor who?"

On how difficult it is to master golf: "My boob gets in the way.

She does look hot with her new locks and her flannel on....I will give her that

Come on just do Playboy.......

But, I really can't figure out why I would be attracted to read such periodicals. Currently I am reading Pillars of the Earth , the 900 page epic by Ken Follett, as well and combing through UsWeekly trying to figure out exactly how Christina Aguilera lost 40 lbs in 4 months.

Last week I was unloading my grocery cart and recyclable shopping bags (they are worth every penny of their $.99) when I noticed that this couple tied the not and I didn't know anything about it....my heart skipped a beat.

And they also have a baby on the way....those are two big entertainment stories I've missed.

Then there is this new couple alert.....

Really??? I've given up trying to keep up with who either one of them are dating.

Sometimes these high class periodicals can even be repulsively fascinating. How then, at times, can I find those magazines more fascinating then reading my Bible?

Tell me, why do you think we care about the lives of celebrities? Why do we place so much of our time follow what they wear, where they eat, who they date?

Just so you know I'm not spending my children's college education on these magazines. I'll have you know I only purchase them when we travel, I do have boundaries. It has become habit in our family before a trip for my husband to ask me if I've purchased my "dirty" magazines yet.

During a phone interview with Ryan Secrest, Pete Wentz said he and Ashley were honeymooning in their basement with blow up palm trees. Actually, the two frolicked on the beach in the Carribean, happy to hear Pete was joking! Ashley is said to be with child, but in her teeny bikini, no signs of a baby bump are apparent yet. What do you think? Is Ashlee Simpson pregnant?

In an interview with Pete Wentz on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM show yesterday, the Fall Out Boy bassist stated that he's not taking his missus on a plush honeymoon. Instead they're holidaying...in his basement!

"We got some blow-up palm trees and a little fake 'n' bake tanning booth," commented the FOB honey. "We're eating Digiorno's pizza, getting in that tanning oven every once in a while, it's great. It's gonna look like we're on that private jet. We're gonna save that 30 grand, you know?"

Wentz also dismissed claims that Ashlee is pregnant, saying "Ryan, this baby has not been confirmed. The only thing I'm confirming now is that we're in the basement on our honeymoon with these blow-up palm trees."

What a fricking cheapskate! Sugar you're going down in our estimation...

< return to e-Mo Magazine homepage

Rumours about the pregnancy first appeared when Wentz and Simpson announced their sudden engagement. The fact the wedding happened so soon afterwards, only fuelled speculation that the couple were in the family way.

Pete and Ashley wed at the weekend in a private ceremony held at the Simpson's family home. Ashley's father, Joe, performed the non-denominational ceremony, whilst dead-behind-the-eyes sister Jessica was maid of honour.

Pictures of the wedding will appear in the next edition of People magazine, so you can stick a photo of your face over Ashley's and imagine it was you... *sob*

< return to e-Mo Magazine homepage

Poveretti.

Alla fine sono solo fatti loro. Ma visto che il gossip ci piace così tanto.... :)

Olympic skater Nancy Kerrigan and husband Jerry Solomon welcomed their third child Wednesday morning at Winchester Hospital in Winchester, Mass. Kerrigan and husband are also parents of sons Matthew, 11, and Brian, 3. Kerrigan told People that the boys were very excited and, "Matthew wanted a girl and Brian wanted a boy, and the two would occasionally argue about it, but they're both looking forward to having a new sibling."

Wednesday morning Kerrigan delivered, by cesarean, a baby girl. She weighed 6 lbs., 12 oz. The little girl is yet to have a name.  "I think that is the hardest job, to pick a name for somebody," says Kerrigan. "We are not very good at that."  I imagine Tanya is out of the question!

Once home, the new arrival will move into a navy blue nursery, one of four bedrooms in the family's Lynnfield, Mass., home. If navy blue is your color you could go with the Noah's Ark Crib Bedding Set. This set is perfect for a boy or a girl. It will be everyone's favorite right from the very beginning!

This nursery theme has so much potential. You'll just have to have the matching Noah's Ark Toy Chest and the Table and Chair Set. No nursery will be complete without a Personalized Rainbow Wall Hanging, to remind you of how special your little one is.

Congratulations Kerrigan and family. Give that baby a name!

Coldplay at the IZOD Center on Rocktober 26. Tickets on sale June 14 at 10:00 a.m. More info to come.

Extreme at the Brookhaven Amphitheater in Farmingdale NY and the Fillmore New York on Fri. Aug. 1 and Mon. Aug. 4. Tickets for the L.I. show go on sale tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. - $27.50 - $43.50. Tickets for the Fillmore show on sale this morning at 10:00 a.m. - $36.

Collective Soul, Live and Blues Traveler at the Hammerstein Ballroom on Wed. July 30. Tickets on sale this morning at 10:00 a.m. $47.50

Dave Stewartat the NY Fillmore on Thurs. Sept. 18. Tickets on sale today at 10:00 a.m. $52.50

Peter Frampton at the Tropicana Casino in Atlantic City on Sat. Aug. 2. Tickets on sale Sat. May 31 at noon. $35 - $65.

Ashley Simpson at the NY Fillmore on Thurs. June 24. Tickets on sale Sat. May 17 at noon. $51.50

The Faint at Terminal 5 on Mon. Aug. 18. Tickets on sale today at noon. $25

Built to Spill with Dinosaur Jr. and the Meat Puppets at Terminal 5 on Thurs. & Fri. Sept. 25 and 26. Tickets on sale now. $32.

Spiritualized at Terminal 5 on Sun. July 27. Tickets on sale today at noon. $30 ($35 day of show).

T.I. at the United Palace Theater on Thurs. June 12. Tickets on sale tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. $69.75

Other items:

This past Tuesday Rhino Entertainment released “Nothing But the Best” from Frank Sinatra. It’s been 10 years since his death but his legacy will live on forever. I implore you to purchase this CD if you do not have any Sinatra in your library, I did. I know the songs but admittedly did not own any Sinatra, except for Christmas tunes. Now that I did it, you can too. C’mon you cannot ignore this man’s contribution to music and we all need to keep these songs going and pass it on down to the next generation. There are 22 songs on the CD. It is at its cheapest price right now-all new releases have its best price the first week it is out and then the price kicks up. Think of all your favorite Frankie tunes- it’s on this CD. Buy it now!!! 5 stars.

The Cure have released a new single called “The Only One” which has received an average rating of 4 stars from the listeners on I-Tunes.

Bryan Adams has released a new album this week and it is his eleventh studio production appropriately named “11.” Average ranking of 4 stars from I-Tunes reviewers. Looks like the most down loaded song from that CD is a track called “I Thought I’d Seen Everything.” This guy has been so consistent, a “pro’s pro.”

Bryan Scary & The Shredding Tears are getting rave reviews for their new sophomore effort “Flight of the Night” and is the “editor’s choice” from I-Tunes.

Not a big fan of Coldplay but will admit that their new single “Vida La Vida” is a decent tune. The new album with the same name will be out on June 17.

Have to admit I am a little scared to purchase the new CD from Death Cab for Cutie called “Narrow Stairs” but as previously mentioned there was such a buzz about this album and the reviews so far average 4.5 stars out of 5. Indie rock is something that takes a while to grow on me. But who knows? I have a feeling I will be taken in.

The Toadies have announced that they will tour this summer (first time since 2001) in support of the release of their third studio album- “No Deliverance” set for release on Aug. 19.

Dokken’s “Lightning Strikes Again” is out now. If you want to go back to 1988- this album is for you. \m/ \m/

I’ve been getting some grief for not writing enough about Country music. Now if you have been following along the last couple of years, I have started to become more into this genre of music. It has always been a part of my life, a small part, and my mother always had country music playing in the house and I became familiar with the classic stars of country music.

As I have stated in prior updates, I love the band Little Big Town and I am also a big fan of the Dixie Chicks. So what I am getting to- is a review of one of the all-time country greats- Patsy Cline. What better place to start, right?

For people who really know me, they know that Karen Carpenter is my all time female vocalist. However, I can now say that Patsy Cline is right up there. Karen is 1A and Patsy is 1B.

Since there is no one particular album to point to because back in the ’50’s many artists released singles, so I will say that any collection of Patsy’s greatest hits is a must have for everyone. One of her first hits "Walking After Midnight" is a very recognizable song and her voice is perfect. My mother’s favorite song from Patsy is "Sweet Dreams" - a song of heartache from a broken relationship. There have been others who have sung this song- but none as good as Patsy’s version. Then how can you forget the incomparable "Crazy?" Wow what a song, for those of you who don’t know whom she is- start off with this song- and then tell me you’re not hooked? Many of her songs deal with relationships and my guess is a lot of it was personal to her. "I Fall to Pieces" is a beautiful song even though you can hear the pain in her voice as she sings it. My favorite song from Pasty is "So wrong," every time I hear this song I stop what I am doing and am mesmerized by her vocals. Love the whole song top to bottom."Back in Baby’s Arms" is an upbeat song that will have you singing along with her. "She’s Got You" is a song of hurt from a lost love and you will not be able to get the chorus of -"The only thing different, the only thing new" -out of your head. At different points of the day this song will come back to you and you will find yourself singing the chorus. My next favorite song from her is"Faded Love"- another song of a love gone astray. "I miss you darling more and more everyday." Great song, period! OK I can have a third favorite, right? "Why Can’t He Be You" is another mesmerizing song that stops me in my tracks to make sure I listen to all the words. "Leaving on Your Mind" is another one of her classic tunes.

What can I say about Patsy Cline? It took me a long time to recognize her contribution to music, not just country music, and shame on me for that. So don’t make the same mistake that I made. Buy some of her songs and realize that this woman is an American classic and you will have a hard time finding a better voice anywhere. Thanks again Mom!

And staying with the country theme, I did purchase the new single, release this past Tuesday, from Chris Young called “Voices”- check it out, you will like it.

Ozzfest this summer will be a single day event on Tues. Aug. 9 in Frisco Texas. The Ozz man just finished an 11-month tour and wife Sharon says he deserves some time off. So it will be a one-day show. Tickets for this show go on sale on May 31. Metallica has been added.

Back on this day in 1990, the world lost one of its greatest entertainers of all time, Sammy Davis Jr. passed away on this day after his long battle with throat cancer.

Today is Janet Jackson’s birthday. She turns 42.

With top 40 music becoming so popular, there has been less emphasis placed on live music and performance, which in my opinion, is tragic for the world of music. Not only this, but the performances of those artists in the top 40, are often half-assed, lip-synched, highly exploited fiascoes, which show no real credible musical talent of any kind. More often than not, the talent is based on dance, which it is likely was choreographed by someone other than the performing artist. Since when did people start forgetting that music originated because of performance? 'Real' bands and 'real musicians' who aren't in the top 40, are being under-appreciated, and un-noticed, whilst people who 'lap up' the top 40 music are giving the artists credit which they often do not deserve.

I would like to refer to specific events in order to strengthen my argument. This first video below, is of a popular top 40 artist '50 cent' found lip syncing in one of his live performances.

This video is of another top 40 artists 'Ashley Simpson' caught lip syncing on a T.V performance.

How is it that performers such as this can be praised for their 'talent'. when they won't even give their fans performances that they have paid for and deserve?

I would like to conclude this post with performances by well known Death Metal bands. The performances are by no means perfect, but they are putting all the energy they have into the performances (obviously) and the fans are not only getting what they want, but the musicians are showing they have the talent that is represented/portrayed on the album.

This first video is of a band called 'Nile' performing a song of theirs called 'Cast Down the Heretic'. Apologies for the quality of the video, it is a bootleg...

This second video is of a band called 'Decapitated' performing one of their songs called 'Day 69'. Take note the incredible drum solo in this song. The drummer was 23 and he was unfortunately killed in a bus crash...RIP.

This final video is of a band called 'Necrophagist' performing one of their songs 'Only Ash Remains'. Take note the double guitar harmony in the intro of the song, and the solos going back and forth between the two guitar players. This song also changes time signatures a few times, which is incredibly difficult for a drummer to perform live, they they still manage, which is more than can be said for other top 40 artists.

I hope this is an eye opener to the talent that is required to play music of this style, and the fact that the bands pride themselves on being able to perform it live this well.

Rock is the new chic! Après le «it» bag, voilà venu le «it» mec, ou le bon boyfriend à avoir pour accessoiriser les soirées people.

Toute starlette hollywoodienne sait que l’important dans la vie, ce sont les accessoires. Le sac du moment, ou it bag, les chaussures «in», la bonne coupe de cheveux, et surtout, le bon mec!
Et la tendance est au rockeur, plein de biceps, de tatouages, et d’eye-liner. Plutôt que d’être des bonnes filles déchues, les starlettes ont donc décidé de devenir des bad girls rock n’roll stylées.

D’où leurs amoureux bad boys: Nicole Richie sort avec Joel Madden des Good Charlotte, Paris Hilton, jalouse, chope le frère de Joel Benji Madden. Ashley Simpson et Pete Wentz, Kate Moss et Jamie Hince, ou il n’y a encore pas si longtemps Mischa Barton et Cisco Adler. Bref, les poupées les plus blondes possibles se copient toutes les unes les autres pour avoir l’accessoire le plus hot du moment et en faire ce qu’elles veulent. Suivez le mode d'emploi en quatre étapes.

Se trouver son rockeur

Habiller son rockeur

Soutenir son rockeur

Epouser son rockeur

Last week at Condé Nast Traveler’s annual Hot List party, celebrities like Ashley Simpson, Natasha Bedingfield, Elizabeth Hasselback, and Joan Allen were welcomed into the beautiful CAPRICHO by CUSTO RESIDENCES lounge alongside New York’s elite. Attendees sipped signature “Capricho Margaritas”, marveled at wall-size images of the gorgeous ocean property, and were able to speak with the project’s new partner, designer Custo Dalmau of CUSTO BARCELONA. Custo spent time with fashion fan and Oscar winner Adrian Brody and his girlfriend actress Elsa Pataky, and discussed how he began his new journey doing interiors, a restaurant, and spa design at Capricho Residences; the magnificent new resort in Playa Mujeres, Mexico.

Custo Barcelona will provide an exquisite and unique touch to this uber-luxury project on the Mexican Caribbean. The world-renown fashion house’s partnership will be apparent as guests stroll through the property and marvel at the vibrant “tile-art” being created by Custo for the flooring of the main pool. The property’s Beach Club will feature Custo elements such as original murals at the entrance, CUSTO pool umbrellas and interiors fashioned by the designer. The spa at Capricho will feature a “dreamlike” circular mural by CUSTO on the ceiling, exclusive design elements in the treatments rooms, and eco-friendly CUSTO Barcelona signature uniforms for the employees. “Custo Barcelona is a chic, unique luxury brand perfectly paired with Capricho - a chic, unique, luxury resort,” explains Custo.

All CUSTO murals within the property will be interpreted using indigenous elements such as stone, marble, woods and glass; paralleling the nature-inspired philosophy of Capricho. The project’s commitment to the environment is ever-present as the 600+ attendees of the HOT LIST party found out when they received an eco-friendly Capricho grocery sack as a gift. The bag, made of natural jute, helps to limit the use of traditional plastic grocery bags.

ABOUT CAPRICHO RESIDENCES:
Capricho resides in Playa Mujeres Resort, a 900+-acre peninsula on the Mexican Caribbean, featuring a 170-strip marina, access to the second largest coral reef in the world and two championship Signature Greg Norman golf courses. Capricho stands on 70 acres of beautifully landscaped terrain, 60% of which will remain completely green and un-developed. The property boasts almost 2,500 feet of breathtaking beachfront and beautiful array of wild flora and fauna, making this innovative project one of the most sought after developments in Mexico. For more information, log on to www.caprichoresidences.com or call 1 866 596 0910.

I’ve been hearing a lot over the past few days about this Miley Cyrus photo shoot for Vanity Fair so I finally decided to check the photos out for myself and was seriously under whelmed by what I saw - Oooh, it’s a bare back, quick hide the kiddies before they start flagrantly humping each other!!! Lame. The one thing that did catch my eye though, was the photo of Miley strewn across the lap of her father, former country star Billy Ray Cyrus. Uh, WTF??? I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your father but I have never, EVER laid across his lap like that. It’s just gross, especially in this case. The mullet may have been traded in for a mullite but you don’t fool me, you’ll always be the singer of “Achy Breaky,” the song I had to square dance to in P.E. with Chad “sweaty palms” Ferlong. I’m still wiping his hand grease off to this day. This got me thinking about other inappropriate father/daughter relationships in the media so here now is the first of my ongoing WTF series. I’ll update it as I see things that make me say WTF - Or maybe I won’t - Stop pressuring me, I get enough of that from my mom! No, I haven’t met anyone. So what if I still live by my self with only 2 cats for company? I like it that way! No, I can’t leave, Squeakers would get lonely!!! (Weeps softly while listening to “Alone” by Heart).

Hulk and Brooke Hogan

I don’t care how concerned you are with skin cancer, no father should EVER apply sunscreen to his daughter’s ass. The only excuse for this sort of familial hand to ass contact would be if Brooke had a pack of wild, tusked pigs stuck to her ass and the Hulkster was trying to swat them off to save her life. But even then he should just let the bush pigs maul her to death. It’s just more appropriate.

Ick Factor: 7

Papa Joe and Ashley Simpson

This man is truly creepy. From calling his other daughter Jessica’s boobs a gift from God to leering at Ashley’s here, this man takes inappropriate fatherhood to a whole other level. Fathers should never look at or touch their daughters’ boobs. I don’t care if they’re covered in flashing lights – Keep those eyes up, perv-o.

Ick Factor: 9

Josef and Elizabeth Fritzl

This man imprisoned his daughter for 24 years forcing her to live as his sex slave. They bore 7 children together, 3 of whom never saw the light of day until their discovery earlier this week. Uh, what???? This is why I’ll never date a European man. They’re too sexually liberated. I’m sure things would start our innocently enough. First he encourages you to stop shaving your armpits, next it’s off to the topless beach because you have a beeeautiful body, and before you know it he’s lured you into a sex dungeon full of nude midgets smoking cigarettes and playing sad, accordion music…Wait a second…That doesn’t sound so bad…

Ick Factor: 10,235,907,823,553,259,709,327,509,823,508 x Infinity

WHAT CELEBRITIES WOULD LOOK LIKE IF THEY MOVED TO WEST VIRGINIA

 JENNIFER ANISTON...."OK, KIDS....WHO NEEDS TO GO POTTY BEFORE WE LINE UP FOR LUNCH?"

BRITNEY SPEARS......

......HUH????? I'M STILL SEXY Y'ALL! NOW GO GET ME SOME DAMN  CHEETOHS!

ASHLEE SIMPSON.....ANOTHER SUPER JOB BY OLAN MILLS!!!!!

......MICHAEL DOUGLAS AND CATHERINE-ZETA-JONES......LOOKS LIKE THE TOP SELLING AGENT AND SPOUSE AT THE ALLSTATE CONVENTION

POSH AND DAVID BECKHAM.....THEY LOOK LIKE THEY SHOULD HAVE A PIG NAMED WILBUR

GWEN STEFANI.....OR DOLLY PARTEN AFTER EATING GWEN STEFANI

JENNIFER LOPEZ AND MARC ANTHONY......LOOKS LIKE THEY HAD THEIR FILL OF FATBACK AND BEANS!

JOHNNY DEPP....."I'M BRINGIN' SEXY BACK, Y'ALL!".....BUSINESS IN THE FRONT...PARTY IN THE BACK

JOHN TRAVOLTA.....HE LOOKS LIKE THAT CREEPY UNCLE THAT WANTS YOU TO SIT ON HIS LAP AT CHRISTMAS DINNER

MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN....OMG! I HAVE NEVER SEEN A PICTURE WHERE THEY LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE EATEN!

PAM ANDERSON......SHE LOOKS LIKE A VO-TECH SCHOOL SECRETARY..."SURE I'LL WRITE YA TARDY SLIP, BUBBA. BUT, FIRST, YA GOTTA GO AND FETCH ME A COUPLE OF DONUTS FROM THE LUNCH ROOM."

SARAH JESSICA PARKER....MOVED TO BOONE COUNTY TO REUNITE WITH HER LONG, LOST TWIN SISTER.

TARA REID.....POLICE FILE PICTURE....BUSTED WHEN COPS RAIDED A COCK FIGHT

 TOM CRUISE.....IN HIDING IN THE HILLS AFTER LEAVING SCIENTOLOGY AND JOINING BROTHER LOVE'S SNAKE HANDLING CHURCH