[vodpod id=Groupvideo.1657809&w=425&h=350&fv=]

Yep, she looks great for a mother of two... which I think is the point of this compilation of nude scenes music video.  

Shorter Britney: "You call me crazy, I got your crazy... woominizah, woominizah, woominizah, baby."

Related:

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SHOCKER: BRITNEY SPEARS HAS A SEX TAPE, SKY IS BLUE

DOMINATRIX BARBIE OR BRITNEY SPEARS? WOMANIZER ALBUM ART

NEW BRITNEY SONG 'WOMANIZER' SOUNDS LIKE ALL BRITNEY SONGS

DID Y'ALL HEAR? BRITNEY'S COMEBACK FINALLY ARRIVED

Download: *** Britney-spears-Sex-Video-Leaked-Online ***

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Adnan Ghalib says he has, in his possession, a homemade sex tape featuring him and Britney Spears doing all sorts of sex things.  He claims the tape is two hours in length and that he plans to sell the tape because he needs money.  As you can imagine, the gossip-tards are all abuzz about this.  We here at SockPuppetsFromHell.com, however, are confidant that the tape is, in fact, a fake.

First off, we refuse to believe that anyone could have sex, willingly anyway, with Britney Spears for two hours.  It might be fun for, oh, a half hour or so.  After an hour it would become awkward.  After an hour and a half, I'd be calling 911 and screaming for a SWAT team to come and rescue me.  When they kicked the door of the hotel room in, I'd be screaming, "SHOOT HER!  SHOOT HER!"

Second, the timing of this whole thing is just too odd to ignore.  The Dow Jones crashes 777 points on Monday, Wachovia is bought by Citi Group, and then it's announced that there is a Britney Spears sex tape.  Clearly, this is some sort of distraction.  Somewhere in the White House, George W Bush pushes a button and says, "The Dollar is now worth less than a Dorito.  Release the tape."

And it's probably not even Britney Spears.  It's probably Andy Dick, wearing a pink wig, pretending to be Britney Spears.  The scary thing is that nothing about that last sentence is all that unbelievable.  Years from now, when this theory is proven true, millions of men will all be in their bathrooms, vomiting at the thought of how much enjoyment they had watching Andy "Britney Spears" Dick have sex with Britney Spears's ex-boyfriend.

And finally, even if this tape is real, why in the name of all that is holy would anyone want to watch it?  Or any celebrity sex tape for that matter?  It's not as if celebrity sex is all that entertaining.  I own the Pamela Anderson sex tape.  It's pretty lame.  Most of it is footage of a boat.  No, if you want to see some really entertaining porn, Google "Smurf Sex."  Or "Godzilla Bukkake."  Or "Yoda Schiza Video."  After watching some of that stuff, I challenge you to ever be turned on by any celebrity sex video ever again.

Britney Spears is an un-medicated maniac who is also quite stupid.  Her most famous quote so far is "I'm crazy as bat-shit!"  Rumors of a Britney Spears sex tape should be taken not only with a grain of salt, but also with a double dose of penicillin.  This tape is probably a scam or prank or distraction or something other than a Britney Spears sex tape.  I refuse to believe that I live in a world where a Britney Spears sex tape is anything other than a horrible hallucination brought on by mixing too many Tylenol PMs with whino pee.

-Dan Cheek
www.SockPuppetsFromHell.com
dan@sockpuppetsfromhell.com 

PS
If you really, REALLY want to see the Britney Spears sex video (or what is claimed to be the Britney Spears sex video), then click HERE. [warning: NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!]  But I wish you wouldn't...

It's a title. I didn't have enough room to write what I really wanted to say or It would take up too much room in everyone's sidebar. The full title would be, "A Britney Spears sex tape makes Adnan Ghalib a liar and a rapist and worse than pond scum, or just a rapist and worse than pond scum, but in both cases... truly worse than pond scum."

See my dilemna? That was way too long for the title.

Here are two scenarios.

Scene 1: You're Adnan Ghalib. You're seeing Britney Spears for a few months while she's going through a mental health crisis... and you know she's going through a mental health crisis... and you have sex with her (or not) and there is no sex tape. Much later, you decide to tell everyone that there is a sex tape, but that you will not talk to anyone about it unless there is talk of price. Spears denies it, but you know you can still eke out your 15 minutes of fame by talking about pink wigs and kinky foreplay, all the while not having to prove a damn thing.

Here are the slip-ups in that scene. Frac. Where was editing when you needed them?  

• You forgot that if there was a legitimate sex tape, you wouldn't have to be taunting everyone that there is one, some dirty dishrag mag or porn pusher would've offered you the cash you want for it before you ever told anyone about it publicly, and we'd be learning about it because it's out there, not because you want to taunt us.
• Oops. You forgot that to brag about boinking someone while they're going through a mental health crisis makes you not much better than pond scum. Wait. Pond scum actually has more redeeming value.   

Scene 2: You're Adnan Ghalib. You're seeing Britney Spears for a few months while she's going through a mental health crisis... and you know she's going through a mental health crisis... and you have sex with her (or not) and there is a sex tape. Much later, you decide to tell everyone that there is a sex tape, but that you will not talk to anyone about it unless there is talk of price. Spears denies it, but you have the sex tape and you plan to cash in on the fact that you not only had sex with someone famous, but you taped it.

• You forgot that even though you have a sex tape, it's a tape of you having sex with someone while they were in the middle of a mental health crisis is actually called evidence, not a source of income... and normally, decent people don't do that kind of thing. It's called taking advantage of someone, because even though they say yes, maybe they aren't capable of making the right choice because of the state they're in?  You forgot that it's like screwing the drunk girl on the bed because while you know she's three sheets to the wind and doesn't know what the frac she's agreeing to, she technically said yes.
• Oops. You forgot that to brag about boinking someone while they're going through a mental health crisis makes you not much better than pond scum. Wait. Here's more evidence that pond scum actually has more redeeming value.   

You see Adnan... the whole world knows you were seeing Britney while she was in the middle of a mental health breakdown. While we all had poked fun at Britney for a lot of stupid behavior, when it became clear she was suffering in a real way and needed to be treated with some decency in order to get well... many of us stepped up to the plate and either defended her or asked people to back off and let her get well.

What's more Adnan, is that the world also remembers the stories that claimed Britney was afraid that you had a sex tape from that horrible time in her life, and that you would use it against her.

But sources claim the two haven't got back together for purely romantic reasons - Britney is apparently terrified Adnan has an explicit video of her during the couple's brief trip to Mexico in January.

'Britney's really scared that Adnan has a sex tape,' an insider tells MailOnline.

'She wants to get it out of his hands.'

The love match will be met with strong disapproval by Spears' father, who is still her legal custodian following a legal order earlier this year.

'Britney's father can't stand Adnan,' added the source.

'He thinks he's seedy, with ulterior motives.'

Indeed, MailOnline understands that Ghalib offered to sell a kiss-and-tell style interview about life with Spears a British Sunday tabloid after the pair initially split.

But the tabloid thought there were discrepancies in his interview.

So right now, it doesn't matter if you have a sex tape or not... you're still a useless piece of work for trying to market one, and you know what? If there is one, I hope the reason you're whining to the public, trying to get someone to make an offer to you, is because even the dishrag mag publications and the porn pushers out there do know what you seem to not know, and that is:

Having sex with someone in a mental health crisis is considered rape and normal people don't want to see that tape unless it's because they're part of a jury asked to send you somewhere where people might not have a problem taking advantage of you too.

Bipolar disorder
If you suffer from a bipolar disorder (manic depression) and you know that during a manic state you become sexually active, this does not mean that people have the right to take advantage of you.

The information is available everywhere, easy to find and should have you either handing over the tape to authorities, or running like hell as far away as you can go in order to hide from the world, now that we know what kind of scumbag you are. I suggest a cave somewhere, because given that pond scum is a step up from you, there's probably no swamp that wants you either.

Information You Can Use:

By law, date rape is defined as having sex with another person without that person’s consent. What constitutes consent is difficult to define, though. Mental illness or cognitive impairment legally prevents a woman from giving her consent, even if she verbally says it’s okay.

So Adnan? We know that y'all were in Mexico, and would probably use that detail to get off on taking advantage of Britney's mental state at the time. We know that probably, no celebrity wants to go through the crappy torment that would result from trying to legally do something about being taken advantage of while mentally ill. We get it. We know you're trying to go to the bank with that.

What some of us are saying though, is that you're scum. Some of us don't even really like Britney. We're not 'fans' blindly defending or supporting her. Some of us are grown ups who couldn't care less what she's wearing, what she's doing, if she has a new album out or if she's ever going to tour.

It's just that we see all of this and we recognize that people who would do what you're doing shouldn't be out there able to do it to someone else. Maybe we can't make that happen... but we can sure do our part to help others understand what scum you really are... and in the process, maybe help some non-celebrity realize that they have a right to not be taken advantage of while they're experiencing mental illness too. 

If you, or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis and they 've, or you've been taken advantage of sexually, please seek help. It is not ok for people to take advantage of you when you're at your lowest. Open your local phone book and look for any type of mental health services. Call them. It doesn't matter if you can't find the right department, tell them why you're calling and ask them to re-direct you to the right place. If they won't... please post a comment here with (not your real name) but your real city location and I will try find the right place for you to call.

Disclaimer: As someone who has watched how badly someone with a mental illness really does suffer and shouldn't be taken advantage of, this is my personal opinion. I'm not interested in your attempts to "put me in my place" because you don't agree with me and think people with mental illnesses are able to give consent. My reply to you is here in advance.

FRAC OFF.

Go volunteer to work with people suffering mental illnesses until you understand why you're wrong, and then come talk to me. If you still post some idiot comment here, I will treat you like the idiot you are. People who are suffering don't need to be victimized twice.

Ever since Britney Spears splited her way from her lover Adnan Ghalib the rumours about a raunchy sex tape featuring them has constantly hummed. Not that the Pop star is on the verge of a comeback in her career , her ex-lover Adnan says that he has the sex tape , period. Not only this, given the right price he is willing to sell it. Adnan Ghalib told Heat magazine that, "there is such a tape. But I won't discuss prices. Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further." While a close source from Britney confirmed , the sex tape is a myth. Let us hope this does not affect her career negatively.

*Music: Totally coincidentally to my posting an item about them yesterday, Mates of State recently did an in-studio thing with local radio station 89.3 The Current. You can listen here. Maybe I felt the vibes.

*Disturbing: I guess Britney has a sex tape with that paparazzi dude from a few months back. Guys! This makes me really depressed! Guys?

*Toys: If you thought that The Epidermits toy was scary, check out the 12' Katy Perry doll.

*Crossover: Sasha Frere-Jones names the most important music producer of our times, DJ Timmy Tim. Oh wait; it's Timbaland. Whew.

*Interviews: Geek guitar god Jonathan Coulton gets a talking-to from Ars Technica. The man on his business plan: "I will put music on the Internet, something will happen, and then I will make money."

*Politics: Ebert brings the pain on McCain. Ouch. This is a dude (Ebert) who gave a thumbs up to "The Brown Bunny." (Not a euphemism.)

*Winners and losers: The only company on the S&P 500 that gained today was Campbell's soup. BUY CANNED FOOD, EVERYONE. Also, some Jim Beam might not hurt. And maybe shotgun shells.