I began counting and recounting, to myself and to others, about things he had done wrong.  I complained.  I did not seek my husband as the authority in my life, but sought out my friends instead.  It has created nearly a disaster in my marriage, which I did not have the foresight to see.  If I had trusted the Lord, and entrusted my husband and his decisions to the Lord, I believe the outcome would have been different.

I will tell you (to clarify) that we did go through some very, very difficult circumstances, and that there are times when I sought counsel out of sheer need to survive.  We are encouraged to seek wise counsel, and I did do that-some of the time.  However, the point at which I quit respecting my husband was the point when I complained to others-this was sin.

Now, the Lord has laid it on my heart to respect my husband again.  To allow him the place of authority that is his-the place I committed to give to him.  In seeking the Lord on this, I was led to this passage in Scripture.

"Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:27-35

I was so surprised to find that Paul teaches us that being married is difficult.  I knew, from growing up in the church, that he taught it was better to marry than to burn (funny that this is the one I remember from his teachings!), but to say it leaves us with concerns that are a burden-this was new to me.

It leaves me much to think about.

It would be so easy, if as Christian wives, we could all add up an equation so that this never entered our lives: this book+that prayer+this commitment+those set of behaviors= no adultery every touching our lives. No temptation would ever come to us, if only we could add up an equation. Not necessarily this equation I have stated, but any equation to help us avoid the ugliness, the despair, the guilt, the sorrow, the collateral damage to those we love. And, when I hit that week of adultery, so many years ago, I still believed there was an equation. A safe place. I hoped there was a safe place. Dear God, I didn't want it in my life, or to even hear about it in my sister's lives. Wasn't that supposed to be other women who dealt with that?

Before you go down another path, let me tell you flat out-it's not in my life. Be very careful here, my friends, this is thin ice we are all treading on. This is not in my life in the sense of my husband or I having entered into relationships outside of our marriage, and pursuing them. But, I think we are all adult here enough to understand that all of us are human, and deal with our own set of temptations.

Which has been the shocker for me-to find that not only do women I thought would never stumble in this, have stumbled in this. And it still terrifies me. Not in the sense that God is not bigger than any temptation in my life, or anyone else's. I think what terrifies me is I see now, in myself and only through what other's have told me, is just how much evil in the world. How seductive the world is, in it's very lies, to those who desire the Lord. To find that my sisters in Christ I have admired, and loved, have struggled with this. To find the temptation is very real, and must be guarded against.

I do not say any of this to come off as holier than thou; please don't think that. I wanted to post transparent thoughts about it, to say to you, my sisters in Christ-be on your guard. Pray for those you love, and just as important-love those who have stumbled. And praise God for His mercy, His love, His forgiveness. And that He helps us to forgive others, also.

I'm beginning to make plans to go to San Diego, CA for theCall on November 1.  I need to decide how to get there; plane or car. The drive could be a lot of fun, but a plane would be so much quicker. heh.

I'm praying that God will make provision for me to go to this solemn assembly.

I'll try to write more about it later, with links and stuff to the places I'm considering.

I don't think patience is a virtue. I think it's a skill. A skill that some have, others don't, and one that becomes more honed with practice. But practicing patience doesn't have to be a chore.

There's another saying that comes to mind: the journey is the destination. Life is not the major moments we wait for. Life is all the moments in between. Like in a movie... the big kiss would mean nothing without the conflict and slow build. The moments have meaning because of what has gone into them, what has come before.

So, instead of waiting for the big moment, enrich your time now. Perhaps you continue to build to it by focusing your energy on things you can do right now to achieve the long-awaited dream. Or perhaps you can step away from the constant pining. (Believe me - I know from pining!) Give yourself a break from the waiting by distracting yourself (watch the scenery go by on a drive, read a book in the doctor's office, play a game while waiting for your coffee) or simply do something else entirely for a little while. Leave it altogether and come back later refreshed.

Easier said than done, right? Well, yes. But remember, we do get better with practice. You won't be a patience virtuoso the first time, but you might eke in a minute of enjoyment during your wait time. And that's better than getting frustrated or pissed off, right? Right!

During the week I began the process of putting my philosophy of ministry down on paper. This is what it is looking like so far. A work in progress... 

"My philosophy of ministry is strongly flavoured by my experiences overseas. I embrace this and am attempting to translate that experience synergistically into my context here.

Consequently, I am passionate about mission as an organising principle for a community of disciples who gather around Jesus as their living middle. I am committed to discipling practices that ground people in the deep channel of Scripture and a developing Biblical worldview.

I am committed to building spiritual maturity to the point where it is self-sustaining, sensitive to the Spirit of God and actively seeking accountable relationships with other disciples who are further along in the journey. 

I am committed to helping people discover & exercise their spiritual gifts both individually & corporately, to creatively experiment & to tenaciously fail forwards together for the sake of Kingdom of God.

I am committed to modelling an authentic & costly discipleship that moves beyond prestige and comfort for the sake of those who are yet to encounter Jesus anywhere in our Global village".

Reflecting on what I wrote yesterday, I know I don't always do what I say above very well... sometimes I get sidetracked. Sometimes I am scattered & selfish and I get shunted off into a siding for a while. When I am open and focused, I resonate in tune with the Spirit of God & my life as a disciple is about getting habitual about the rhythms of the Kingdom. 

Katanya siy, ini adalah saat fahri mo taaruf ma Aisyah..

Ogut belon pernah nonton filmnya tuh, dan ga usahlah.. Soalnya jauh2 hari sebelum film ini dibuat, novelnya dah abis ogut lahap..hihii

Well, tanpa diduga2 siang ini da yang sponsorin taaruf ...kekkeke

Gmn ya?? kebiasaan pake cara koboy siy.. jd bingung. Setelah berdebat panjang ma sang sponsorship, dan bebusa-busa, ogut balik nanya.. apa dia dulu taaruf juga ?? ternyata IYA.. waaaaaaaaaaalaaaaah.. ngga nyangka..

Setelah dia keluar dari ruangan, buru2 ogut cari postingan tentang taaruf, mekanismenya, kelebihan, kekurangan, dan............ aaahhkk ga cukup !! ogut lebih percaya ma orang yang dah ngelakuin !!

Diitung2 .. mmh berarti ga pake pacaran ya..?? duhh.. trus tiba2 jd?? halaaaaaaah ga kebayang niiy..

Masalahnya sang sponsorship ini orang yg ogut kagumi, ga mungkin ogut nolak tanpa ada dasar kuat, lagian sepertinya niatnya baek.. supaya ogut ga maen2 mulu..

Ada yang pernah..uhmm...*malu niy* ..taaruf..??? tolong donk di share... jangan yg baeknya aja, kekurangannya juga, ato sebliknya ...

Duhh mending nembak deh ... ternyata taaruf lebih menegangkan ..

After I took an Astronomy subject in high school, I was plagued with terrible questions about the earth, the sun, or any heavenly bodies. I think that’s normal. But I was also preoccupied whether someday in the future all inhabitants in the earth can cruise in the nearby planet (Mars, probably) and stay there for a week or two. I would love that.

I watched an episode in NASA channel entitled Destination Tomorrow. It was interesting because space scientists are working to investigate suitable landing sites in Mars that are scientifically interesting and potential for proofs of interest. NASA developed the MRO, or the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (I dunno if I got the words right but it sounded just like that) to look for potential landing sites in case there would be success of human flights at Mars in the near future.

The MRO has high resolution cameras to produce high profile detailed pictures which will be evaluated to search for potential sites. It has also telescopic cameras to capture the planet’s surface features by photographing the planet. In this way, the scientists can relay and send information by communication platform for robotic missions and about the weather patterns in Mars. In this way the space scientists can also look for water. By its self surface radar, they would know the weather patterns, and any detailed information to expand the knowledge about the planet.

MRO would took seven months to journey to Mars and 27 months to orbit it.

I drove down this morning with Jaden. Jaden had a good time on the drive and seemed to enjoy getting to spend some extra time with me today. While I was at one hospital with Simon, Jaden was at the neighboring hospital in the child care center there. We figured we would give him the opportunity to have a taste of what his days and time there will include when we transfer there, temporarily. I know that I enjoyed Jaden's company less the few times he felt it necessary to scream midst traffic. We definitely need to work on that.

We are working out our plans to get Jaden and I there throughout the week beginning next week, if possible. It's a frightening thought to balance two households on one income, but we have faith that everything we need will be provided to us. We've done fairly well with donations to date having raised $651. We are still $5349 short of where we would like to be, but we will persevere one way or another.

There have been a few ideas tossed around and a few commitments made to assist us with our cause. At future tarot, Miss Michele and Serenity Bly have offered all of their proceeds from the month of August (and more than likely September) to assist. Some friends from the Just-Hit-Send thread at Absolute Write have discussed doing an auction blog with various items ranging from metaphysical to back-to-school/office with the proceeds going towards Supporting Simon too. I've had a few discussions with a couple individuals about running stories about our experiences/situation in media print as well. We thank each of those individuals as well as all of those who are linking to One Woman's Heart and Supporting Simon at Echo of One.

All of you have been an amazing asset and support through our ups and downs with Simon. Thank you all!

I just went to a DMB show.
It's like the end of an era or something.
WTF is going on this year?

Anyway, well, here it is..
a small tribute to a great musician---
always has been, always will be my favorite DMB song:
The #41.

I arrived in New York [Mumbai - New York] yesterday morning, at 6:50. Immigration lines were incredibly long [and the non-US citizen line moved a whole lot faster than the US citizen line!!! Ironic]. Went through without much hassles. By the time I got out of that ordeal, all my luggage had been taken off the conveyor belt [meaning the conveyor belts had stopped moving]. I came and looked for my luggage at the 3 conveyor belts belonging to Delta. It took me 20 minutes to locate my bags [they were near the last conveyor belt], and I tell you, it made me very angry and worried. I thought they lost my bags. The 3-dollar trolley was broken down and horrible; a shame truly. But still better than nothing. The Delta terminal had an extraordinarily small number of taxis [none in fact] waiting when I came out.
But this 'ordeal' as i called it was nothing in comparison to what I faced at the Delta checkin in Mumbai.

The thing is that I was staying in Dadar. My dad told me the way from Dadar to Chattrapati Shivaji International Airport was only 45 minutes long, but a lot of other people told me that it was 1:45 minutes away. Much to his frustration, I chose to leave at 7 pm for a 9:20 pm reporting time for a 0:20 am plane. Silly, obsessive me. We reached, unfortunately for me, at 7:50 pm. And waited outside for a long time. Thank god I was with my family. Then when I go in, my trolley starts to give problems. The wheels faced different ways. I was literally huffing and puffing by the time I reached the inner entrance to delta. The guy who asks the questions about your baggage stopped me and asked his questions. it turns out he comes from a village near my family's in Karnataka. So he was really nice till he found out I do not have my old passports. How would I know such a thing is necessary?? They had no record of this minor American girl of Indian origin entering India, besides, of course, the registration with details of my visa[s]. But that wouldn't suffice, obviously. Hmmph! He had to go and discuss it. With this, he forgot to put those stickers on my bags. When the bags were being screened, the attendants became frantic and started screaming - "No clearance!". The nearly-nice guy came running up and put the stickers. I was allowed to go to the counter. The guy at the counter makes me checkin my carryon baggage at no extra charge, citing problems in the overhead space as a problem. He said that since I have a huge purse I can fit important documents and food in it. Imagine how embarrassing it was to open my carryon and take out Dominoes pizza [Calzone]. And biscuits. With personal items falling out. Hmmph again!!! He then says my baggage is overweight. The weight limit is 22.5 kgs. One is 24.5 and the other 26.6. I SWEAR I weighed them at home and they were bought underweight then. Maybe the weight was screwed up. But it cost me $85 in Indian rupees - Rs 3400. I had carried only Rs 2000 with me because i was hoping to 'keep' them for next time I come. I thought 2000 was alot, which it actually is. the guy is adamant and wants me to go and convert my newly-converted dollars. I refuse and am allowed by an obstinate policeman to go and ask my parents. You can imagine their surprise when they were looking everywhere through the glass for me. I told them and they were shocked at the passport and the overweight stuff [even the guy at the checkin had bothered me abt the passports]. They gave the money and I came running in again. Paid the fool his money and went to immigration, which took less than 2 minutes, wait included.

I then waited at the airport for 2.5 hrs. With an old, illiterate couple bothering me with details about their poor beginnings [with a touch of snobbery] and their son and daughterinlaw. The old man was exceedingly irritating and when he saw a notebook with a picture of a palm on it, he started bothering me about palmistry. I don't know much, but he still plied me with questions about his hand. As if he was testing me. He had a long wealth line, which I told him in my broken Hindi, and he's like do I have it or will I? How was I supposed to know? He asked me questions about HIS childhood, his PREVIOUS health history, etc. I don't get why it had to be an interrogation. He once asked for my mobile, and I was told by family members not to bring one, I told him it's not allowed. Chance has it that a man was talking on one in front of us. He starts arguing with me. I tell him I was not allowed; I don't know about him. Again chance has it that I find my mobile just as people start boarding the plane. I call my mother and tell her, and she gets happy because she accidentally put it in my purse. While I am talking with her, the old man starts shouting at me at a distance. I mean, get a freaking life! I am not answerable to some silly old couple who prefer to interrogate rather than befriend. I swear I wanted to punch him in the face. They tried talking to me [argumentatively] a couple of times during the plane ride, but I resisted and ignored.

Enjoy

See the beautiful purple sock in progress? The intricate twisting of the stitches? The socks are the "Oak Leaf Socks" from the online magazine  "knotions".   It's a beautiful pattern.  It's a beautiful yarn. (Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock in Blackberry) .. I should love them... but I can't seem to see them as others do. 

When I look at them.. I mainly see the mistakes.  It's almost like they have been highlighted, or circled in red ink.  There are probably thousands of stitches already in this sock.  and to be honest a very small few in comparison are incorrect.  Yet- to me they stand out.  BOLD.   Instead of seeing the thousands of RIGHT stitches.. I focus on the ten's (maybe) of wrong ones.  I nearly ripped them out to start over.

Instead, I put it on my foot, not because I wanted to- but because some wise soul suggested, that before I rip them out, I should put them on and have another look.  I was shocked.  From that distance,  from that angle-  I could suddenly see the pattern.  IT WAS THERE afterall!  Sure, the mis-crossed stitches were still there... but the overall pattern, now caught my eye.

There is something bigger in this pair of socks than a few crossed stitches.  There is my ability to choose to gain perspective on my mistakes, and allow my eyes to be refocused. To see the bigger picture.  In life- this is not always my first instinct- not towards myself- or towards others.  My instinct is to be critical, and allow the few mistakes to distort my view of both myself and others.  Sometimes this is wise and necessary.And sometimes, I "rip" a perfectly good person (most often myself)  because all I focus on is faults or mis-crossed stitches.

My eyes may have issues.... but it isn't a doctor I think I need... I think it's a change of perspective.... and the only way MY perspective is changed, is through the one who always sees things with truth and grace.  I think I'll be asking Him for help.

"Dear Lord,  my critical eye is not hidden from you, both it's strengths and it's weakenesses.  I ask you to help me gain perspective.. to focus on the right stitches and not the mis crossed ones...both in myself and those around me.  I ask for your wisdom and for your grace to permeate my heart and then my world--- I love you lord- amen."

Funny- somehow I think God sees much more clearly the bigger picture of who He created us to be....much more so than the mistakes we make...

My intuitive told that this is an old song from Journey, which I never heard before. So, I didn't bother to find out more about this song until one day I finally browsing the net to search for name of this song...I end up learnt that this is a new song - After All These Years. This song is from Journey's new album Revelation released on 3rd June 2008.

I'm not a big fan of Journey, but i do like their songs and quite familiar with some of their hits. I like the magnetic voice of their former lead vocalist - Steve Perry. but it was many years back since Steve Perry left the band for solo career. Being one of the legendary Rock band, which started since 70's, this time I think Journey does not disappointed their fans. With their new Pinoy Vocalist Arnel Pineda, which they found through You Tube, Journey able to present many outstanding songs in Revelation album. This new album received quite good reviews in the Internet sites. I personally found that the style and arrangement of the songs are still very "Journey" and very 80's. For those 80's fans... I think you will be easily digest the songs. For the younger generation, then maybe those style are a bit too old for them.

No doubt I'm still prefer Steve Perry clean and high pitch voice, Arnel Pineda can sing Rock ballad almost as well as Steve Perry ( i think he is imitate Steve Perry). He is able to bring life to Journey's song. I highly recommend everyone to try listening to the song After All These Years. It's a meaning full and sexy Ballade that can touch your heart.

I enclosed herewith the you tube link:-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SswnbpA2qZ0&feature=related

* Journey other hits songs are Open arms, Faithfully, Don't Stop Believing, etc.

I hardly act on my very frustrated emotions, not over such things. :oops: but today, It was so obivous i was irritated with the man who did not have the decency to remove his bulky bag from his shoulders and place it on the floor. 8O As a result, his bag kept bumping into me. I swear I could have killed him with my stares.

I repent. :lol: I swear i heard the still small voice to remind me to "get over myself."

U know, we are never perfect. In fact as we spend more time with Him, we are much more aware of how imperfect our humanity is and how much more we are in need of His grace.

 Rock on peeps!

Let me be
The one
You lay beside
And rest
With

Just lay down
Beside me
If only
For a
Moment

I checked in on our little ever expanding support community Fertilicare yesterday as I usually do and some of the posts got me thinking  A LOT... now this is my opinion and I am not judging anyone here, I am just working this over in my head so please keep that in mind...

There were a couple of threads started about how seeing little ones at the fertility clinics hurts those of us who have not had any children yet and there were comparisons drawn between those of us who are ttc #1 and those of us who are ttc # 2 or 3... To be dead honest *I* don't think that anyone can really draw comparisons in this journey called infertility. 

While there are those of us who have gone through SO much in our walk, those of us who are just starting out have also had to jump over the hurdles of being reproductively challenged.  The thing is that this journey is an immensely personal one, and what I may think of as routine might be the end of the world to the girl sitting next to me at the clinic.  Can I admit (cos I'm being dead honest right now) that I sometimes get annoyed with *that* girl, the one who has been ttc for 2 months and is bleating about how devastating the 2ww is for her? Sure, of course I do, in fact some days I could probably smother her with a pillow, but the fact remains that perception is reality and to her, to *that* girl the 2ww is torture.  Do I feel that I deserve this more than anyone else?  98 % of the time I can say that no, I don't think that, but I do sometimes fall into that 2 % bracket and I will shamefacedly admit that I do think I deserve it and it is my time... 

And what about the girls facing secondary infertility?  Surely they cannot feel as much pain as those of us trying for number one "cos they know what it's like to have a baby already?"  I'm not so sure, I think that the girls who have had children already and are battling to expand their families might feel the pain *more* acutely cos they know what they are missing out on... but at the same time the longing to fill empty arms has the power to overwhelm those of us who are still waiting on that blessing.  But we share the longing with our secondary infertility sisters... the longing still rests in the hearts of all of us wanting a child whether it be child # 1 or # 2 or # 3 or # 4.  I don't think the stigma of being an infertile is ever "cured" by having children... I think our scars and hurts and longings are tempered when we manage to have our children but we still know and remember the essense of the infertile heart and mind...

Then it also begs that age old question - is it better to know you can fall pregnant or not?  Again I'm really not sure, but I think for me personally I would prefer not falling preganant to falling pregnant and having to ensure miscarriage after miscarriage.  I cannot imagine how the woman who've had to ensure miscarriage after miscarriage or late losses during pregnancy get through something like that... To me, I think this must be the most soul destroying thing to have to go through... cos at the end of the day life goes on after dealing with these losses... businesses continue to make money, friends and family continue to live their lives on a day to day basis, and other people continue to go on to create and / or expand their families...

Sometimes I think that for those of us undergoing treatment we know about our pregnancies too early and it can cause us so much pain... I think of the girls who fall pregnant with no intervention and don't even know that they are pregant and "get their period", they really are none the wiser and carry on regardless... I guess in many ways Ignorance *is* bliss... and in a warped way we infertiles are robbed of the innocence of conception... And that is surely a pain we all feel in our own way?

While I can easily think back to the pain infertility has caused me, I must also remember that it has given me many gifts as well... I know that my partner will stand by my side no matter what and is prepared to work through the challenges we face as a couple - no matter how hurt we both feel because of those challenges, my faith has held strong thus far in this battle (and many a time it took a severe beating and nearly lost the war), my friends and family are true treasures, I am more sensitive to others now, I listen better and I hear more, I am much more compassionate towards others now and I love harder and am more able to recognise my blessings.  Before it was easy to overlook them.

I have quite the love hate relationship with my infertility.  It has brought out both the bad and the good in me and I'm pleased to say that there has been more good...

My pain is your pain is our pain.  In the pain olympics of infertility we all "win" the gold and we are bonded by that common thread.  It sucks, but at least it sucks together...

I work with this person. She and I have similar interests and insights. We’ve read the same books and have similar approaches to the importance of spirit in our life.

She loves and teaches stories, she is a writer and an editor, a seeker, committed to relationship building and a Libran. She also has a Catholic background and recently lost her father whom she cared for deeply. 

Like me, she believes that the path of the heart is all encompassing and when all is said and done, it is love that resounds and remains at the end of life.   I believe, though that she is farther along the path than me and a little clearer on what that tenet actually means in day-to-day life.  She is courteous and gentle; a great listener and very thoughtful in her care of others.

When she told me yesterday that she followed a guru in her spiritual practice I had a puzzling and negative reaction. And that worries me.

Despite the fact that we shared so many other interests I didn’t want to hear that she had handed over personal power to another. I find the choice of a guru akin to deifying another and this has never sat well. As I’ve done in the past, I dismissed the path as a possible method to find meaning and enlightenment.

What worries me is that I have no realistic alternative and no real reason for rejecting the path she’s chosen other than fear and confusion. Don’t get me wrong, I want to reach enlightenment along with the next person. Her path however, is dependent on trust and love – and that scares me.

When I went to India 10 years ago I sought the spiritual home I thought I needed. I was on a quest to find meaning and resonance. I had dreamt of gurus, met practitioners, read books, prayed and received confirming indicators that indeed this place and its spiritual practices would provide a place of rich sustaining support. Alas it provided noise, dirt, stress and crowds. I couldn’t see past the smells and confusion. As for inner sight I was lucky to maintain my sanity keeping an eye out for fast moving traffic and bullocks in the middle of the road. I was deeply disappointed and decided I had no spiritual bone in my body.

Besides, I had my darling husband as an alternative ‘religion’. He was my path to the heart. He was my divine other. It was enough. It was real and trustworthy. But it ended. Now without him I am rudderless and back to square one. Still sightless and a little the worse for wear; love might be the thing that matters in life, but it gets stripped away in the surety of death.

The sustaining truth from all of this, though, is that change is the other great constant in life; change in death; change in jobs; change in friends. And that the harbingers of change in my life invariably arrive with a baton – passing on a new curriculum of learning just before its time to move. This new friend brings with her the next list of subjects I am to study. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. In this case with she comes with a lesson plan: advising me to attend to the moment, to stay awake and to remember that for a seeker, the path doesn’t end.

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time, T S Eliot

This is my first time attempting a blog for any reason other than talking about my flaws and self-doubt. This blog will be entirely different. It is an experiment in the written art form. I will push this as far as it will go. I would like for you to take this journey with me.

Here is a simple break-down of how it should go:

1. Apply to be a professional blogger

2. Blog about the experience of applying

3. Wait on responses

4. Blog about those responses

5. Take helpful criticism and advice from people who post comments

6. Learn about writing a professional blog.

There are a few things you should know about me before we begin. I do not have a degree. I do not work for any sort of newspaper, magazine, etc;. I am doing this for enrichment purposes, both monetary and educationally. I have never written professionally before. The only things I've really written are performance poetry pieces.

Sounds like I love a good challenge doesn't it?

I will accept any and all suggestions for where to begin. I will also be posting random flotsam and jetsam type sample posts. These topics will be upon things I know about. Mainly music, video games, table top gaming, movies, music/gaming culture and other things considered nerdy and geeky.

I will also be lampooning several different things.

That should do for getting this set up. We will see you bright and early. Around noon. I know, I know. It's early for me though.

Get those suggestions out there! Be prepared to critique. Happy thinking!

Riau, which includes a large part of East Sumatra, is homeland to Malays and the source of Indonesia’s Malay-based national language. The first book of Malay grammar, called Bustanul Katibin, was written and published here in 1857.

Pekanbaru became the provincial capital in 1959, taking over from the former capital of Tanjungpinang on the island of Bintan. About 160 kms upstream on the Siak River a number of buildings in the traditional style are still in this area, among them the Balai Dang Merdu the Balai Adat and Taman Budaya Riau, or Riau Cultural Park.

Tourist Office=]

Jl. Jend. Sudirman No.200, Pekan Baru Phone. (0761) 31452, 40356, Fax. (0761) 40356
http://www.budsenipar-riau.com

Riau Tourism Board

Gd. Badan Promosi & Investasi Prov. Riau, Lt. 2 Jl. Gajahmada 200, Pekanbaru - Riau
Tel/fax: +62-761-858441

Getting thereSimpang Tiga Airport is a busy visa free entry point. Pelangi flies to Kuala Lumpur and Silk Air flies to Singapore. Domestic airlines direct flights from Jakarta as well as from Medan and Batam. There are frequent departures from the bus station. Agencies all around town sell tickets for the boats to Batam.

Tourism Events

* Perahu Naga Festival, Tanjung Pinang. It is the Dragon Boat Race, both local and foreign contes, tank race a distance of 400 m.
* The event is held on Oct-08 at the Tanjung Pinang seaside facing Penyengat Island. To enhance the event there are culture performances, swimming competition for men and women and traditional diving contest.
* Pacu Jalur, Teluk Kuantan, Indragiri Hulu, Riau. Jalur or canoe races coincide with Indonesia’s Independedce Day celebration. Every decorative jalur used for the race on the Kuantan River is made of one single large bark of tree, approximately 30 m long and manned by 25-30 rowers. Before the festival was only held after a harvest and considered a sacred event. The event will be held on Aug 23-26 2008.
* Traditional Culture and Dance Parade on March, 2008 presents the Malay culture and traditions the event features a dance competition and dance performance from dance group and schools in city of Batam.

Places of Interest=]

Candi Muara Takus

Candi Muara Takus. Like many others structures of its kind in Sumatra, this Budha temple stupa near the village of Muara Takus in the Tigabelas Koto district, was built with red bricks and sand. The temple is believed to have been built at arround the 9th century A.D. when the power of the South Sumatra-bassed Sriwijaya Empire was at its peak. Excavations are still being made to determine the precise age and function of the stupa. It can be reached in 118 Km from Pekanbaru.

Muara Takus Temple

Kerumutan Nature Reserve

Kerumutan Nature Reserve. Located in mainland Riau in the Kuala Kampar district, this 120,000 hectares (30,000 acres) nature reserve can be reached in 18 hours by motor boat from Pekanbaru.

Bono

Bono is a curious natural phenomenon, which the Rokan River (in the Kampar regency) displays daily along its downstream reaches. Every day at the time high tide sets in, a swelling appears in the water at the river mouth. Accompanied by a rumbling sound, the swelling grows in mass until it is about as high as a small tree, spinning as it moves upwards along the river and growing smaller in the process until it finally disappears.

Dumai

Dumai. Formerly a fishing village on the east coast, it is now a major oil terminal. Storage tanks and modern installations rise against the sky, although the town itself is quite pleasant and interesting.

The Siak Sultanate’s Park

The Siak Sultanate’s Park. This Moorish style palace of the Sultan Siak, 120 kms upstream from Pekanbaru on the Siak River, was built in 1889 by Sultan Syarif Hasyim Abdul Jalil Syarifuddin. Now a museum, the palace contains the sultanate’s royal paraphernalia and others items of historical interest.

courtesy http://www.my-indonesia.info/

Not quite sure why I'm dealing with thoughts of them right now.  I know I'm disappointed in them for not taking part in our lives or "T's" life.  I feel they have behaved poorly and blamed me for things that aren't as significant as their crap.  I've got to let this go.  I think about them not communicating with me even after opening myself up to them and it makes me mad/hurt.

I will be ok.  I have an amazing life I need to appreciate more.  I want to feel more contentment for what I have instead of pine for what I want.  I can do this.  I made it this far with God's help...I'll keep moving forward.  Now...to go appreciate my children as I tuck them in tonight.