Like when Jackie O turned 60 but only better.

In the summer of 2000, California beckoned. We had given up our place after being offered jobs there. It didn't work. Instead, we got a loft for what we knew would be our last year in Vangroovy.

In August of 2001, We packed everything that we owned in a large U-Haul and drove across the country to Toronto with only leads for jobs. We were leaving behind great jobs, great money, to "come what may". On our trip, we listed to a lot of Madge of the past: a retrospective; and a lot of heavy dance remixes. Put two gay men in a car-

We arrived in Toronto days before 9/11. 

Glamma took a job in retail management and I took a job with Dior, traveling as their makeup artist. Our intention was to make something happen but we- along with the rest of North America- were still numb from what happened. It was two years later. Everyone seemed to be questioning their mortality; trying more to make sense of what was going on in the Bush regime. He was still trying to smoke 'em out of their holes but it seemed that less and less of us were buying it.

A month after "Operation Iraqi Freedom", Madge came out with poignant prose. American Life was in stores, on MTV and all over the news. One version of The video depicted a laughing George W whom she blows up. A lot of people cheered while another lot thought it in bad taste. His actions were resonating in so many minds- and clearly, they were resonating in hers. Her comment was strong. We applauded.

A few years passed. Glamma and I made ourselves stuck in jobs we hated. We were less and less inspired although we were enjoying Toronto. We wanted more out of it. So we started clubbing again. And I started writing.

The fall of 2005, Confessions on a Dancefloor came out. We were hooked. It was the first record in years that we LOVED from beginning to end. Although there were many dance remixes made, I preferred the album edits.

Our club anthem, of course, was Hung Up. Get Together reminded me of who would star in the scripted version of the novel I was writing (I don't know why!); I Love New York, while the lyrics were ridiculous, had a great beat and was easy to dance to. I gave it an 8. 

Glamma and I hit a sour spot in our relationship at the seven year mark (go figure!) but we worked it out! I was listening to Jump a lot. He originally thought that it was because I wanted to break up with him but, in reality, it was because I needed OUT of the job I detested. Isaac was fantastic to me, even though Madge got a lot of criticism for it. I just thought it was a fantastic story from the old world. 

We listened to Confessions over and over for a year before I finally was given the opportunity to jump out of the job that I hated so much. Thank the Universe for down-sizing and lay-offs that buy you out. It was magic. I was finally able to finish writing my novel (three years later, we are still editing it-).

A year later, Glamma got his wish and was out of his no-where job that he gave too much of himself to. With getting nothing in return. 

We were both focused and finally allowed to do what we wanted. What we did so many years before. Work for ourselves. The first couple of years were rocky- and it still is- but then we finally got to work with celebs again. And work in the city that beckoned me for the third time in my life: LA.

Music became so much a part of our lives- thanks to Glamma- and we were hearing things that were art. we were making art again. We were who we were meant to be. 

Quite suiting, Hard Candy came out while we made our first return to LA to work. Give It To Me reminds me of watching Our Boys playing Hacky Sack. In fact, I made an iMovie with Give It to them playing. Our BFF Pamela had gone through a bad breakup and She's Not Me was part of her rebuild in confidence. The Devil Wouldn't Recognize You is just great prose put to music (JT convinced Madge to put this poetry to music). 

And here we are today. We have spent the better part of the year traveling, working; together and seperately. When I am away from Glamma, Miles Away makes me think of him. I much prefer working with him when we are abroad. 

SO, Madonna. Thanks for the music. Thanks for the walk down my own Memory Lane. And- Happy Birthday, lady. Here's to another 25 years of fierce music and memories that will go with them. 

Madonna 50: PT 1

Madonna 50: PT 2

Madge the Vadge: 50 (encore?)

Steve Carell: 46

Madonna turns 50: Highs and lows

Madonna - one of the most successful stars in pop history - celebrates her 50th birthday on Saturday.

Use our interactive timeline to find out more about the ups and downs of her career.

Full name: Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone

Born: August 16, 1958, Bay City, Michigan, USA

Also known as: The Queen of Pop, Material Girl, Madge, Esther, Mrs Ritchie.

Biggest hits: Holiday, Into The Groove, Like A Prayer, Vogue, Ray of Light, Music.

Quote: "A woman who pulled herself up by her bra straps and has been known to let them down occasionally" (Bette Midler, introducing Madonna at Live Aid in 1985).

Madonna's mother, also called Madonna, dies of breast cancer. The tragic event has a lifelong impact on the singer. "You walk around with a big hole inside you, a feeling of emptiness and longing," the star later says.

Madonna moves to New York in 1977, where she studies with choreographer Alvin Ailey and works as a model.

Early music demos recorded with her boyfriend Stephen Bray make their way to Sire Records boss Seymour Stein, who demands to meet her, even though he is in hospital with a heart condition. Impressed with "the drive, the zeal, the ruthlessness" of a young Madonna, he signs her on the spot. But her first few releases only make an impact in clubs.

Holiday becomes Madonna's first breakthrough hit in the US, reaching number 16 in late 1983. Her first top 10 hit comes a year later with Borderline, a song she later disowns. She is more proud of the subsequent, career-defining hits Like A Virgin and Material Girl. The sell-out Virgin Tour begins in 1985 with support from the Beastie Boys.

Madonna receives rave reviews for her role in mainstream film Desperately Seeking Susan (she previously made low-budget sexploitation movie A Certain Sacrifice in 1979).

She also hits number one with Into The Groove, plays Live Aid, and marries actor Sean Penn on a Californian clifftop, their vows drowned out by the roar of press helicopters circling overhead.

True Blue was the first time Madonna had a writing credit on every song.

The album True Blue, with its iconic Herb Ritts cover, cements Madonna's reputation as the first lady of pop, reaching number one in 12 countries and spawning five hit singles.Papa Don't Preach, which deals with teenage pregnancy, confirms the star's willingness to tackle controversial issues, while Live To Tell's raw vocals (recorded on the first take) show new emotional depth.

Her first world tour, Who's That Girl, sees the singer mobbed by adoring fans in cities across the globe.

But Madonna's film career takes the first of many serious beatings with the release of Shanghai Surprise.

A year later, she separates from Sean Penn, and the couple are granted a divorce in 1989.

The video for Like A Prayer caused storms of protest

The release of Like A Prayer marks the moment when critics first begin to describe Madonna as an artist, rather than a mere pop singer. The title track's video, which shows the star kissing a black saint, causes storms of protest – but sends her straight to number one.She follows up the album with the hit single Vogue and the lavish Blond Ambition tour. At the end of 1990, Madonna seals her reputation with a Greatest Hits album – The Immaculate Collection.

The sex book was shot by noted fashion photographer Steven Meisel

A coffee table photo book, Sex, finds Madonna in a number of sexually explicit poses with the likes of Naomi Campbell and Vanilla Ice. The book is derided in the press, and the dark and seedy Erotica album suffers as a result.Two years later, she makes a bizarre, expletive-filled appearance on David Letterman's talk show. Madonna asks the host to smell her underwear, smokes a cigar and quizzes Letterman on whether he urinates in the shower. When she refuses to leave the stage, several audience members shout "get off".

The show marks a low point in public perception of the star.

Madonna's casting in Evita helps to rehabilitate her image - and her film career. Meanwhile, she falls pregnant to fitness trainer Carlos Leon, giving birth to her first daughter, Lourdes, in October.

Ray of Light was produced by British musician William Orbit

Ray Of Light marks a musical return to form. Its laid-back blend of dance and electronica catches the pop superstar in a reflective mood, musing on fame and parenthood. She continues to mine this rich seam of futuristic pop with Beautiful Stranger in 1999 and Music in 2000, albeit with diminishing returns.In the meantime, she meets Guy Ritchie at a party thrown by Sting's wife Trudi Styler. The couple have a son, Rocco, before tying the knot in Scotland days before the new Millennium.

The Re-Invention tour took more than $125m (£62.5m) in ticket sales

After the lacklustre American Life album, Madonna looks to the past for her Re-invention World Tour. Highlights including the yoga-inspired dance routines of Vogue, and a bagpipe version of Papa Don't Preach.She follows it up with a love letter to disco, Confessions on a Dancefloor, produced by the tour's musical director Stuart Price. Based around European dance music - including a prominent Abba sample on Hung Up - sells 8 million copies, but its singles perform badly in the US.

The accompanying tour draws flack when Madonna performs Live To Tell while strapped to a mirrored cross, wearing a crown of thorns.

Madonna 's adoption was challenged by Malawian civil rights groups

Madonna visits Malawi, arriving by private jet in the capital, Lilongwe. She says she is in the country on a humanitarian mission to visit Aids orphans, but government officials say she plans to adopt a child.A week later, Yohane Banda tells the Associated Press news agency the star has adopted his 13-month-old son, David. "I know he will be very happy in America," he says.

Madonna denies she has used her status to "fast-track" the process, and the adoption does not receive final approval until 2008.

Hard Candy features collaborations with Justin Timberlake and Kanye West

Showing no signs of letting up the pace as she approaches 50, Madonna parts company with record label Warner Brothers to sign a ground-breaking contract with concert promoters Live Nation.She is also inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; releases an album, Hard Candy; directs her first film, Filth and Wisdom, and produces I Am Because We Are, a documentary about Aids orphans in Malawi - all while fending off rumours about trouble in her marriage.

After celebrating her 50th birthday, the megastar sets off on her Sticky and Sweet world tour next week.

Okay, not Madonna in the sense of the career or the money or the fame or the adorable adopted semi-orphan with the still alive father or the buff biceps or the awesome memories...BUT, like Madge, you may find yourself with an accidental fake British accent.

I have an accidental fake British accent.

It started slow. I started incorporating the fanciful words I found most enchanting into my internal dialog: wee, cheers, lass, bloody, arse, wanker, slag, etc. etc.). Then I started talking to myself with a weird (Scottish? Half-assed Scottish?) accent? It made the conversations in my head interesting for once...

Then it got worse. All of the sudden in Edinburgh, if I would bump into someone I would say "sorry,"...only it would come out "surry." !?!?!? "Pardon" or "excuse me" started to take on similar annunciation soon thereafter...

It's like the Invasion of the Body Snatchers: I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF THIS FAKE BRITISH PERSON I AM BECOMING.

To counter the effects, I've started talking to myself in a fake Russian accent. And dropping my articles. (Zoo can count on me to have plan...)

So while I'm revealing weird things about myself, let me fill you in on my "Smile Experiment." This is a good two years in the making. So, as I've mentioned, I had a relatively fancy corporate job wherein I would travel weekly to meet with customers and broker deals and all that jazz. Meanwhile, in my zeal to look like Madonna (not exactly, although I envy the cut upper arms), I maintained my running regimen of roughly 20 miles a week. (Per Google and some unnecessary and unwanted math lessons, a little over 32 kilometers). Long story short, I have pounded the parks and pavement of a lot of big cities and small towns and everything in between Based on no criteria but my own gut, I then evaluate said place on the reaction of the people on the street when I smile at them. Wacko, much? Nice to meet you too....

So, with that I can tell you:

• Portland, OR - friendly
• Carlsbad, CA - snooty
• NY, NY (Central Park) - totally disengaged
• Minneapolis, MN - helpful (thank you Schwanns truck drivers!!!)
• Washington, D.C. - completely stunned to be smiled at, but after 2 seconds of shock they start to remember how to smirk (too much Bush Jr?) back
• Reykjavik, Iceland - friendly
• Dillsburg, PA - underpopulated- no data despite multiple runs
• Glasgow, Scotland - world-class at looking away...UNTIL I came upon these two older women (probably early 70's) who inexplicably reminded me of my paternal grandmother and her sister, were either of them still alive. As soon as they saw me smile, they stopped me and wanted to know, "What was going on?" I admitted the truth on oh-so-many levels, "I have no idea what's going on." They turned me around and pointed out some trailers behind us in the park, and started listing off the shows the people wandering about had appeared on (all of which were completely unknown to me - much like my grandma and great aunt detailing the lives of the citizens of their small town in PA).

Anyway, just then a man started to walk by, and one of the women grabbed my arm and said breathlessly, "He was on 'Take the High Road'!!!!'"

"Who, him? I asked as I noticed an older man coming toward us. When they nodded, I stopped him and asked what was going on, and he explained that some comedy series was being filmed there this week. At that point he gathered a few more actors (one of whom played 'Molly Baker's father' or some such thing) and all of whom - and a million apologies for the stereotype, but I swear it's true - had some really bad teeth. What's up with that?

Anyway, the ladies who stopped me were all but swooning at this point, and I didn't have a damn clue who any of this people were. Thus, good deed done for the day, I gave them a wave, left them with the celebrities, and continued my run back to Five Alarm University.

Cheers!

Like when Jackie O turned 60 but only better.

This is turning out to be a bit of a novella-

The 90s happened and I was out-er than out. As gay as my friend Muffin's coined term: the gayest gay that ever gayed. 

Still in Montreal, I was IN Vogue. 1990 was the summer of Blonde Ambition, my return to University (after taking some time off to become a hair stylist) and the Sex Garage protest against the Surte de Quebec. The Police. At a private party, a bunch of outcast gay men, dykes and drag queens and their admirers danced and gogoed on speakers to some of the most amazing music such as Vogue. The party raided, the Surte de Quebec began to beat all that left the party- peacefully- expressing: "hoste! les tapettes!" [loosly translated: "fucking faggots!"] The next day, an entire group met at a club to decide what the hell to do. We were not going to stand for it. United, we stopped traffic in the middle of a busy intersection in Montreal- outside of the police station- and sat, arms locked. Cops moved in and beat us out of the intersection as we exclaimed: "Shame!" Many were arrested and beaten even more once inside holding cells. One guy had a stick smashed into his testicles, injuring him quite badly.

The year ensued. We were mad but we were partying and dancing our anger into a new era. It was Montreal's Stonewall. Segregated gay men, lesbians and queens were slowly coming together. All the while, Madonna was a staple. In November, The Immaculate Collection was released. All of the songs- especially the new ones- were new anthems. Madonna was intensely and unapologetically openly aiming her top market: the gay community. Rescue Me and Justify My Love were quick to become staples. They all related to the events that took place and were taking shape. 

The summer of 91 took me to Europe where I travelled and continuously listened to Deee-Lite and the multitude of versions of Justify. It was a good year.

Having finished enough of university, I thought it hight time to get out. NYC was on my mind for years. It was all that I wanted. The summer of 1992 took me back "home" to PEI where I worked as a waiter. A League Of Their Own came out and so did This Used To Be My Playground. Having left Montreal to work as a waiter in PEI, my thoughts whirled in the lyrics. That summer, I read an unofficial bio on Madonna and read how she landed in NYC with $35 in her pocket and made it. I left for NYC in the fall of 92 with $300 in my pocket, knew no one and became the bohomo, couch surfing until I finally landed jobs bartending, gogo dancing and the like. 

That same fall, Erotica came out. Clinton was running for President. I was in a whirl in NYC. By myself. And frequenting clubs. I hung out with gogo dancers that I worked with but I didn't make great friends. I didn't want to. I wanted to discover me. I had boyfriends out of convenience. Everything truly was just about Jake. I had one job that brought me to Connecticut for months on end where all I listened to was Erotica, Fever, Deeper & Deeper (which featured Udo Kier who I lived with for a month) and Bad Girl over and over. Life in Connecticut was-- interesting. I needed the escape in the music until I finally got back to the city. Where I finally got a job as a bartender. I could finally focus on performing and becoming a STAR. Oy.

However, working in clubs and partying got the best of me. I remained in Hair and started learning and doing makeup with the group that I was performing with. I became increasingly depressed even though I LOVED the city I had always desired. I had succumbed to the many poisonous fruits that New York is famous for producing. I had friends that were dying of AIDS and breast cancer; and friends that succumbed to an untimely death due to increased drug usage. Many rockers and trannies and freaks.

Bedtime Stories came out and I tried desperately to love my life- my dream- by listening to the many songs She had to offer. Human Nature was a favorite "fuck off" song. I was dating a guy in LA and I was back and forth between the two cities. Secret was a theme. In the interim, Bedtime Story, written by Bjork (who frequented the performance group I was with), reminds me of my F to M illusion friend, Trash. S/he was my BFF for the most part of my time in NYC. We were invincible as we skipped happily from club scene to club scene, gaining notoriety as we hung with club kids Richie Rich and the notorious Michael Alig. My LA boyfriend (now a friend only) moved to NY and, while we just became friends, he died within a year of moving there. Inside of Me and Love Tried To Welcome Me resonated in my mind as did In This Life, the live version from The Girlie Show the year previous, as my thoughts were with him and my friend Wendy Wild who was still battling her last battle with breast cancer. 

I had enough with New York. Or, more specifically, New York had enough with me and spat me back to Canada- to "the island" where I dried out, cried out and kept deep inside me with Something To Remember in my hands. You'll See and One More Chance seemed to fit my life at that moment. I needed to gain strength and passion again. I was fighting. My cousin Lesley told me once that You'll See reminded her of me and the fight that I was fighting. Even though she didn't know what the fight was. That meant the world to me. Those two songs were, again, my themes. I Want You was a song that represented an abusive relationship that I had no business in being in to begin with. I wasn't ready. I was fragile. But The Universe delivers to you what you need to be dealt. Not that I should have been abused- it just helped me with regaining my strength and I fought back. For the first time in years. I fought for me.

Clawing my way back, I performed in my final musical. Evita was in theatres and it was great. However, none of the songs from that were ever any of my favorites. But it reminds me of getting my strength back.

Ray of Light was released in 1998. I was now living in Vancouver. I needed something light. Drowned World was my solace. She changed her mind and so did I. I was focused and driven to work in film as a hair and makeup artist and Vangroovy, at the time, was the place to do it. Nothing Really Matters and Shanti were mantras. I was dating again but still wearing my heart on my sleeve. I fell for a guy that didn't want anything to do with LOVE. To Have and Not To Hold was my theme (this video was the best fan art i could find. there is no official video). 

Then I met Glamma. Ray of Light was my light. Glamma CONTINUES to be my light. I think of him whenever I hear it.

Doing the occasional independent film, I was comfortable working as an instructor. I didn't know what I truly wanted. Music came out and Don't Tell Me and What It Feels Like for a Girl were powerful driving songs. Driving is all one did in Vangroovy to get from one set to the next to the teaching gig.

We were happy in our new relationship and loving our comfort with both of us teaching and frequenting LA for work related things. We loved LA. I remembered it to be that fabulous when I was going there five+ years previous. 

The record, Music, rocked. But we weren't rocking in Vangroovy. There was no where else to go. We capped.

Stay tuned for Part III for Madge's official 50th. 

Madonna 50: PT 1

Madonna 50: PT 3

I have been waiting to use this for what seems like forever.

Madonna 50.

Like when Jackie O turned 60 but only better.

Both icons in their own right, Madonna has far surpassed the late and former First Lady of the White House. 

Google Jackie 60 and all you will find is an homage to an era of nightclubbing in the 90s (of which I was part). Google Madonna 50 and all you will find is news of the Diva accomplishing a half century. And she has accomplished lots. This year, she was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Rightfully so.

But, mostly, what I think of when I see Madonna 50 in print are reflections of who I was and where I was when I hear each of her songs or records. She has been an influence on me since I was 13. Of course. As a young, budding homosexual in a small town, she was the catalyst in making me realize that I could turn dreams into reality. Or, at the very least, give it the ol' college try while being really gay doing it. 

This post is less about Madge and more about my reflections in life as I've lived it with her music and moves as markers.

Here is the beginning of the 50 top moments of who and where I was according to a song and/ or album.

Madonna (debut July 27, 1983)- Ah. The summer of '83. T'was both good and bad. Having just left my first year of hell and torment in junior high, I delved into Madonna the record as it was solace. My brother had just returned from his first coaching gig away from "the Island" with a boyfriend and a great 45. Borderline was the first song that I knew. It was the summer of Cyndi Lauper, Culture Club and now, this. Man. I was hooked. First convinced that this Madonna chick was a black girl, I was shocked to realize that she was a little white chick. Borderline was worn out in our house that August. As was the whole album. It was the first thing that I ever bought with my own money (from babysitting gigs, of course). Holiday, Lucky Star, Burning Up, Physical Attraction and Everybody quickly became my anthems. All I wanted was to KNOW "No Intienda" at Danceteria. I needed The Pyramid Club. All information of which I found only through magazines, interviews and Dick Clark. [It's amazing how resourceful we were without the internet.] I wanted to know and feel and experience all that She was experiencing. I found rubber bracelets. I found Blondissima and I found my Mom's sewing machine to redo almost every piece of clothing that I owned and destroyed. On purpose. I confounded my Grandmother by wearing every rosary I could find in every relative's house. It was my quest to BE the MANdonna. I just ended up looking like the queen that I already was inside. ;)

Like A Virgin (released Nov. 12 1984)- As far as I was concerned, Madonna had matured. And so had I. With songs like Love Don't Live Here Anymore, I was sure that she had gone through it. Like I had in my mind. With both Billy Idol and George Michael. Oh- the fantasies. Over and Over was epiphanic for me. "I'm not afraid to say I hear a different beat Oh! and I'll go out in the street Yeah! And I will shout it again from the highest Mountain!" I had finished eighth grade- the worst year of my life- i was entering the ninth and I was determined to be better at it. I failed miserably. Over and Over and Love helped me get through it. All the hiding in closets so I wouldn't have to go to school. All of the hiding under old tables in the basement so I wouldn't have to feel the torment, both emotionally and physically. No. I hid. And I listened to those songs on my Walkman. Over and Over.

At the same time, Madge was gaining notoriety. She was doing soundtrack songs (Crazy 4 U) but she had B-sides- like Gambler, that never truly made it- that I loved.

And she was making movies. Desperately. Seeking. Susan. Wow. This was everything that I had hoped for and more. With no real media besides Dick Clark and a few moments of videos a week starting in 1984 (we didn't have MTV in Canada). When I heard Into The Groove (FILMED in Danceteria, no less!) and I finally saw this film, I knew what path my life would eventually take me. NYC beckoned, even if not immediately. I knew I would be there one day. I would be living the life.

Alas, I still had high school to contend with. Which was up and down. Mostly up. I discovered a lot of myself as I was FINALLY living in the city. What I THOUGHT was the city. It was larger than the place I knew so I loved it. I discovered so much more than what Madonna had to offer at the time so I took a much needed meloncholic and EMOtional break with the 4AD label (Dead Can Dance, Cocteau Twins and This Mortal Coil; what Madge was producing was not even near what I needed. Save for a few songs. The mid-80s, Sean Penn stage was not too much of anything for ol' Mama. There was one song that spoke to me in that time. Live To Tell. It still speaks to me. There is a daunting undertone that says so much in that song which represented- and continues to represent- a lot of who I was and am. It is an all-time favorite.

Years passed ( it was only three) until Madge finally came out with Like A Prayer. I had finished my 1st year of university and Mama was still there for me when I needed her. 

I had moved to Montreal and I met a whole new group of peeps. One in particular reminds me of this time. My first Fag Hag. She remains and I visit her when I can. When I do, it is always a welcome reunion. She was the closest thing to me that made me really realize the Fag in myself and know that that Fag was amazing. This was also the time of my first long-term boyfriend. Vasco. He was hot, 17 years older than me and- oh yea- really fucking hot. He rode a Kawasaki 750. Purple. That was hot. Songs from this era- and beyond Like A Prayer: Express Yourself,(breaking up with Vasco) Promise To Try, (my Grandmother's death), Oh Father and Keep it Together (my gay brother and gay sister). 

Thanks for the 80s, Mama Madge.

Madonna 50: PT 2

OK, all together now: Madonna is not, repeat not, adding another African baby to her Kabbalabrood.

The tabs were poppin' yesterday that Madge had become mama to a little girl from Malawi, a three-year-old girl named Mercy James. A Malawian adoption minister was quoted in a Brit paper saying that Madge's people were visiting the girl. "Madonna has not made an attempt to adopt this baby earlier this year or now," said Madonna's mouthpiece to Us.

But let's review – didn't she say the same thing about David Banda way back when? We'd keep an eye on this one.

Like a Virgin

Madonna kicked off her Stinky and Sweat tour with a special club performance at Sugarland in Williamsburg. She only performed 4 songs, but the show was awesome!

Press Photos Outside MTV Studios

Interestingly, Ingrid is allegedly the reason why Madonna and former BFF Sandra Bernhard stopped being friends in '90s.

Madge knows you have to keep your friends close -- and the guy you are rumored to be shacking up with closer!

Christopher Ciccone somehow got booked on "GMA" to pimp his new book, claiming that Guy Ritchie is homophobic. No, Chris, he just hates you, and rightly so

Now that Alex Rodriguez and Madonna are forever linked, the highest paid man in baseball is now the easiest fodder -- and Toronto Blue Jays fans took full advantage on Friday by hoisting photos of Madge before he went up to the plate.

The Blue Jays skunked the Yanks 5-0.

Fully jumping on the Madge-wagon is Jose Canseco, the admitted steroid freak who now says Madonna wanted a lil Fidel in her oven.

"She wanted to get married and have a child with me – she wanted a Cuban child," he claims.  The juicer says that she seduced him while he was still married, then told him she would be his sugar mama if he left his wife – "I have lots of money. Don't worry about that," she told him, supposedly.

Canseco also said he "hates" Alex Rodriguez for hitting on his wife way back.

A few months ago, this would've been for real – but now, it's just Britney doing a favor for Madonna.

The scene that Brit-Brit shot for Madge in L.A. this week turns out to be a "claustrophobic elevator scene" in which she gets trapped in the box.  She "starts to kick the wall and hit things" and "screams into the camera." And, as had been rumored, she yells, "It's Britney, bitch!"

So now Alex Rodriguez is "in love" with Madonna – or so he told a friend six whole months ago.

Us reports that A-Rod was texting someone at dinner, and "kept smiling, acting as if he was a little kid," says a friend. And then, the bombshell: "He told me it was Madonna. I was shocked." And not just that –- soon after, he was saying, "She's my f***ing soulmate, dude."

Meanwhile, Cynthia Rodriguez tells the New York Post that she's still in love with Alex but that the marriage is over.