I would love a nice monkey stamp.  Know of one?  If so send me a link. 

 I have found a few new blogs that I absolutely love.  I need to find them again and add some links to the side.  Do you have any favorites?  Share if you do.

I'm not exactly sure I'd call this pig is Quirky.

Fucking strange.  Blessed.  Gimpish. Awesome.

That's what I'd have called him. Move over bacon, here comes Quirky.

The good news is, there seems to be a natural overlap between the Whedon-nerd and musical-theatre-nerd talent pools.  So much of the singing is pretty good.  (Keep an eye out for an all-too-short contribution from a certain monkey, who is my favorite cloth-based performer since Beaker tore up Ode to Joy.)  The better news is that the less musically inclined seem to know their limits; there's an awful lot of lip syncing going on, which probably makes up in ear-sparing what it lacks in excitement.

There's also adorableness to be found in the Music Videos section, where Billy and Penny's romance is heartbreakingly scored by Michael Buble, and Bad Horse's singing cowboys are reimagined as jaunty anime troubadors.

Sadly, what might be the most anticipated area is also the thinnest -- the In World section, where tributes, reimaginings and add-ons should be reigning supreme.  Of course, Wonderflonium is still in its early days; Dr. Horrible itself only went live a little over a week ago.  There is an adorable vid of Dr. Horrible as a child -- who knew Fisher Price made chainsaws? -- and a standout sidekick application from a "Dr. DreadFul."  And surely more great creative content will crop up as time goes on.    

Wonderflonium is a great idea.  Whedon-love has always been the sort of fanship that brings people together.  Is it fully delivering on its promise?  Maybe not yet.  But the great thing about this site is, if what's it's got to offer isn't satisfying you, you don't have to wait for something new and exciting ... you can make the magic happen yourself.  So have at it, people!

I've been forwarded a classic problem, in bold below.

The Monkey Problem

A rope over the top of a fence has the same length on each side, and weighs one-third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs a monkey holding a banana, and on the other end a dead-weight equal to the weight of the monkey. The banana weighs 2 ounces per inch. The length of the rope in feet is the same as the age of the monkey, and the weight of the monkey in ounces is as much as the age of the monkey's mother. The combined ages of the monkey and its mother are 30 years. One-half the weight of the monkey, plus the weight of the banana is one-fourth the sum of the weights of the rope and the dead-weight.

The monkey's mother is one-half as old as the monkey will be in when it is three times as old as its mother was when she was one-half as old as the monkey will be when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as the monkey was when it was twice as old as its mother was when she was one-third as old as the monkey was when it was as old as its mother was when she was three times as old as the monkey was when it was one-fourth as old as it is now.

How long is the banana in inches?

In fact, I've seen this problem back when I was kid, though I've never tried to solve it, mostly because that last paragraph looked tedious and as though it would require a deeply nested set of multiplied and offset variables. It turns out however, to be simpler than I imagined. Here we go....

A rope over the top of a fence has the same length on each side, and weighs one-third of a pound per foot.

Everything else in the problem uses ounces, so let's make it consistent. We'll make up variables as go along. First we need rope weight and rope length.

On one end hangs a monkey holding a banana, and on the other end a dead-weight equal to the weight of the monkey.

Add in variables for Dead Weight and Monkey Weight.

The banana weighs 2 ounces per inch.

Add in variables for banana weight and banana length.

The length of the rope in feet is the same as the age of the monkey

Rope Length and Monkey Age.

... and the weight of the monkey in ounces is as much as the age of the monkey's mother.

Add in MMA for Monkey Mother Age.

The combined ages of the monkey and its mother are 30 years.

One-half the weight of the monkey, plus the weight of the banana is one-fourth the sum of the weights of the rope and the dead-weight.

The monkey's mother is one-half as old as the monkey will be in when it is three times as old as its mother was when she was one-half as old as the monkey will be when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as the monkey was when it was twice as old as its mother was when she was one-third as old as the monkey was when it was as old as its mother was when she was three times as old as the monkey was when it was one-fourth as old as it is now.

How long is the banana in inches?

No doubt these equations are easy to solve by hand, but why settle? We can write them in a form that can be solved by computer. Right now, I prefer the mathematical software Sage . Formatted for Sage, the equations look like this:

var('RW, RL, DW, MW, BW, BL, MA, MMA')
equations = [
RW == RL * 1/3 * 16,
DW == MW,
BW == 2 * BL,
RL == MA,
MW == MMA,
MA + MMA == 30,
1/2 * MW + BW == 1/4 * (RW + DW),
MMA == 1/2 * (  3 * ( 1/2 * ( 4 * ( 2 * ( 1/3 * ( 3 * ( 1/4 * MA)))))))]
s = solve(equations, RW, RL, DW, MW, BW, BL, MA, MMA, solution_dict = True)
print s

And the output is:

Notice the banana weighs 11.5 ounces and the monkey only weighs 18 oz., so something is little implausible about the problem, but as mathematicians, that's not our problem...

I searched around and located a large banyan tree spreading out its branches over a few rough rocks. How a banyan tree could survive in this salty soil was beyond me, but I didn’t question my luck but promptly set to building myself a temporary shelter. I twined a few of the branches to make a shade and draped them with the fur. Having made a warm shelter for myself I went to sleep again. But sleep wouldn’t come. I kept thinking of Haylie again and what has happened to her. But no. I shouldn’t be worrying. She was probably safe. She was with the other survivors who went off in the boats. Probably reached Asila by now.

A slight breeze rocked the branches and my mind started going numb. It was like being rocked in the cradle once more. Sweet slumber overtook my senses and for the next few hours I slept like a rock.

Peep…Peep…Peep…Pee-

Oh for God’s Sake someone stop that peeping.

I opened my eyes an gazed at the blow of face of a monkey peeking through the fur covers. A monkey. I leaped back right out o the tent and jumped to some higher branches. The monkey peeped loudly and tried to jump up after me. It lost its footing and fell down on the rocks with a thud and a squeal. It started to flail its arms and cry like a child. I felt sorry for it. I jumped down and gently lifted it in my arms. It clung to me like a child. I noticed that its head was cut in two places. Taking out my handkerchief I bound up its wounds. Then I gently put it down and walked away(after retrieving my furs).

But oh no. The monkey wouldn’t let me go. It followed me all the way to the beach, where I went back to look out at the sea in the light of the new sun, and followed me again. It was getting annoying. I tried to shoo it away but it wouldn’t leave.

“Hey monkey what’s up? I fixed your wounds, just go on home now. Do you think I’m your mother or something?”

“Peep Peep.” It clung to my legs and looked up at me with imploring eyes. It probably did think me to be its mother. What a bother. But it wouldn’t do to leave the poor creature here. There might be dangerous monsters nearby.

“Guess you’re coming with me, little one.” It peeped in delight.

“So what should I call you? Hmm…Let me think. How about Mojo?”

It shook its head.

“Kong?”

It shook its head harder.

“I know, Dexter.”

It nodded in delight.

“Well let’s go Dexter, see what this island is made of.”

He climbed up on my shoulder and we set forth to explore. We entered through a clump of coconut trees and emerged on the other side among trees and rocks. I could see a few jellie monsters roaming about and decided to have a go at some of them. Check if my powers had returned and get some fruits while at it. I put Dexter down on a rock and charged at the closest jellie. But it leaped out of my reach and almost immediately about a hundred other jellies surrounded me. With an united movement they launched themselves at me. I kicked out at as many as I could reach. The splattered against the rocks and the ground. But even as I kicked in another volley of blows, I knew I had lost. There were simply too many. They encircled me and jumped on my body. I was encased in a transparent multicolored shell, unable to escape.

Just as I thought that all hope was lost something came tearing out and started ripping apart the jellies. After a while I realized that it was Dexter. He bravely ripped at the jellies and tried to free me. But after a while even he was encased in their treacherous clutches.

I watched helplessly as Dexter was slowly being swallowed by the jellies. No, I would not allow it.

I desperate rush of fervor encased my entire soul and I felt the burning powers of fire rise within me. I called forth the powers and burned away the jellies surrounding me. I looked around. Dexter was almost consumed. I cast a halo of fire around him and the jellies fell to the ground, scorched.

Dexter thudded lightly to the ground. I stumbled, the jellies had nearly sapped my strength and that last attack had almost finished me off. I moved dizzily towards Dexter and gently lifted him in my arms. Then concentrating all my powers upon my legs, I gave a mighty leap and landed on the branch of the nearest tree. There I lay against the main trunk and collapsed.

In the midst of all the chaos, one uncertainty stands out from the rest – “the meaning of life?”

Throughout the spiritual journeys I have engaged in, from holistic yoga classes at my gym to soul searching 3am munchie runs at 7-11, I have slowly come to an understanding of this universal query, and it’s really not that complicated.

You’re here to “BE.” That’s it. No confusing algorithm, destiny, purpose or anything confusing like that. Just be. Be what? I don’t know, but be something! I think the trick is to stop worrying, but Mary Schmich says it best in her column (people think that Baz Luhrman wrote this):

“Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.”

So instead, live life as if you have nothing holding you back. Ask yourself, “What would I do if I weren’t afraid?”

It has been proven time and again by big Hollywood movies (the most reliable sources of course) that the villains with absolutely nothing to lose are the deadliest of them all. This is because with nothing holding them back, it is nearly impossible to hinder their drive and hunger.

Thus, by going on in life without fear, you are able to unleash your inner self; just don’t fall into the dark side like that dude in Star Wars. It is then that you become one with the universe and maybe even find out the name to that girl who could do that thing with her tongue (how the hell did she do that anyway?!)…

From the movie “Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life”

Lady Presenter: Well, that's the end of the film. Now, here's the meaning of life.
[She is handed a gold-wrapped booklet.]
Lady Presenter: Thank you, Brigitte.
[She clears her throat, then unwraps and examines the gilt booklet.]
Lady Presenter: Well, it's nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations. And, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy, which, it seems, the only way, these days, to get the jaded, video-sated public off their fucking arses and back in the sodding cinema. Family entertainment, bollocks! What they want is filth! People doing things to each other with chainsaws during Tupperware parties. Babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates. Vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theatre critics exterminating mutant goats… Where's the fun in pictures? Oh, well, there we are. Here's the theme music. Goodnight.

O álbum será baseado na ópera composta pelos dois, chamada 'Monkey: Journey To The West', que por sua vez, é baseada em um antigo romance chinês que virou um programa de TV no final dos anos 70. A ópera de Damon e Jamie já recebeu alguns prêmios, como o do Festival Internacional de Manchester, e atualmente está em cartaz no Royal Opera House, em Londres.

Pôster da ópera de Albarn e Hewlett

O disco novo se chamará 'Monkey', e seu lançamento está programado para o final do verão inglês, aqui inverno.

Autor: Marçal Righi

Fonte: XFM

Seems the BBC have decided to eschew soft-focus patriotism and medal-clutching for their idents for the 2008 Beijing Olympics. And what they have replaced it with is the utter dog's bollocks, I reckon. Full video after the jump.

Rather than the usual sightseeing-tour bland rubbish, Auntie Beeb has comissioned Damon Allbarn and Jamie Hewlett (of Gorillaz fame) to re-imagine characters from Wú Chéng'ēn's 16th Century Chinese tale "Journey To The West" (西遊記) Or, for people my age, the old Japanese "Monkey Magic" TV series.

The tale - as we knew it on TV - of the seemingly endless journey of Monkey, Pigsy, Sandy and Bhuddist priest Tripitaka was absolutely fantastic, and I don't know anyone who didn't love it when we were a kid. Gods, fighting monsters, with cracking humor and cheesy dialog, not to mention the worst lip-synch ever? It was great. The film presents the familiar characters - and pretty much the same opening scene - and shows our three friends meeting up and fighting monsters to get to the Olympic stadium - and doing events on the way (swimming, boxing, javelin etc.). More of a Journey To The East, but spot on nonetheless.

It's nice to celebrate a different culture rather than simply get all Daily Mail patriotic and flag-wavy. After all, they are covering all the Olympics, not just "the stuff the British atheletes do".

The two-minute film below will be shown tonight (24th July) at  7:30PM GMT on BBC1, and will announce the BBC's coveage of the Beijing Olympics. The characters will feature as our "official mascots" for the coverage of the whole event.

Animated series, BBC? Go on go on go on...

He's walking with help and decided crawling is for the birds. His new favorite thing is to pull up to the coffee table and push everything onto the floor or bang on it. I can't even lure him away with the remote. :P

Next on our netflix list - Machine Girl. Hopefully, BHK will enjoy that as much as I enjoyed tonight's feature.

whole -

• gorilla
• hippo x 2
• seal
• monkey
• tiger
• polar bear x 3
• horse
• lion
• rhino
• zebra
• koala 2
• sheep 2
• kangaroo
• camel

partials -

• 3-legged tiger
• tailless kangaroo
• headless lion

amazing number of intact critters in my barnum box. (60g) Sadly, no elephants. I've been to the circus, and always seen ellies - can't say the same about koalas or polar bears, though they are both adorable and cool, too.

Come to think of it, I've never seen a hippo or rhino at the circus, either. Or a gorilla. (well, maybe a clown in a gorilla suit) What are they trying to pull??

4th of July ATW man - note his pop-eyes, manic grin, and huge firecracker.
seen on the way home after Journey 3-d last night

Today's harvest - Looks like beans for dinner tomorrow!

also shown, first tomato of the season, cukes, eggplant, and a sneaky, slimy okra.

2 years ago - this will be our year (it still makes me cry every time I hear it), ring wearing, flemish ( The TRUTH About "Belgium" - The New World Order's Belgian Conspiracy) , cat's got knees / I like your pants, rust monster, underground city, lake okeechobee, ninja turtles /zoom, good sleeps,

3 years ago - GrayP, Allergy results, Candice gives me her number, google hybrid, love song / mind control

4 years ago - I Robot, The Flo, LiveJournal Gallery, 1000 white cards revisited

5 years ago - Evil Fish, Bro, Brace, bazillion questions meme, crow tools, Elton Ock, LJ pings for you

6 years ago - Janet Reno, 1000 blank white cards, lost links, Dumpster Diving,singing kitty, palm sketches, snickitty-snackitty man, managing activism

7 years ago - melted heart, epizootic, hair bears, playing majestic

8 years ago - bedtime thoughts

I spent a long time thinking at that spot where my father’s gigantic head appeared to me in the heavens.  It was difficult at first, because Elton John kept bursting into “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” but then I shredded his jugular and ate him.  Nala took it poorly at first, growling “that was our song!”, but you know, the honeymoon doesn’t last forever, and I have free access to the rest of the lionesses.  Perks of the job.

It was real peaceful, sitting there, and I got to think a lot about everything.  Finally, it occurred to me:  I have no leadership or policy skills.  I have no idea how to solve the widespread famine that set in after Scar let all the hyenas eat the surplus giraffes.  I don’t have the slightest clue how to do regression analysis.  Zazu has a Ph.D in economics from Pride Rock University, but those red-billed hornbills don’t have a great shelf life—he deteriorates more and more every day.  He’s not nearly as acerbically funny as he used to be.  The hyenas wiped out the rest of his species, and the red-billed hornbills were the only non-primate members of the animal kingdom who understood economics.  Once he goes into the sky with Mufasa Sr., civil unrest and chaos will take hold again.  Not only that, there will be no open sky left, with my dad’s enormous head and Zazu’s outsize nose taking up all the space.

All of this led me to the larger question:  why monarchy?  Why have a system where an idiot son, with no formal education or training, with none of the necessary skills gets to be the leader?  Why give me plenary powers?  Thinking about it, my father, Mufasa Sr., was a regressive megalomaniac.  First of all, he was a communist:  he totally nationalized all industries, telling hyenas when they could eat and how much they could eat, limiting the lionesses’ hunting ability.  Wait—perhaps a fascist is a more apt term:  he segregated the animals along strict racial lines, imposed differing sets of rights and privileges for each specific species, and then placed lions at the top of the hierarchy and made everyone bow, literally, to him.  I mean, he made everyone wait around until the sun was at its peak and then had a monkey, who clearly has superior cognitive faculties, be his subordinate and raise his son above all the masses!

His big ass head in the clouds is proof that he believes in Divine Right:  when he said “remember…. remember” it was not so much suggestion as command.  Why couldn’t I just do what I wanted?  Why did I have to be a ruler, when I clearly didn’t have the C.V. for the position?  I could have been a novelist, or a painter, or a musician.  I could have been anything.  I had a great life with Timon and Pumba.  Hakuna Matata!  But I was shoehorned into this corporate job because of my overbearing father, and now I’m going to ruin Pride Rock for everyone else.

I think the answer here is to hold democratic elections.  The people may not be ready yet for such significant and swift change, so maybe I could create an ad hoc legislature and delegate power to them.  I could have Zazu and Rafiki draw up a constitution and have ratifying conventions.  The seating wouldn’t be segregated—the giraffes can sit with the zebras if they want.

It's been several months since I last heard about the Darwin monkey skull/human skeleton theory however and I haven't really thought about.  But it came to mind again yesterday when I learned it was the 63rd anniversary of the Scopes monkey trial. Thinking about it again I realised how little people know about Darwin and the theory of evolution.  The common belief is that Darwin created the theory of evolution which explains the origin of life on earth and that man evolved from monkeys and that there is no God.  This irks me in a bad way for one simple reason.  The theory of evolution states none of those things.

Here are the actual facts.  Darwin did create the theory of evolution which states that higher forms of life develop out of lower forms of life through random mutation and natural selection.  Essentially when an animal is born with good characteristics it is more likely to survive and have offspring thus passing on those good characteristic.  When an animal born with bad or 'less good' characteristics they are then less likely to survive and pass on those characteristics.  Eventually the bad or 'less good' characteristics are eliminated from the species.  What does that say about the origin of life on earth?  It doesn't say anything about it.  Evolution simply explains how life developed into the way we see it today and not how life began.  The origin of life is a completely separate theory called Abiogenesis which Darwin had nothing to do with.

As for man evolving from monkeys that is false as well.  Man shares a common ancestor with monkeys and didn't come from them.  It's easiest if you think about it like a family tree.  You and your cousin are related (like humans and monkeys) but you did not 'come' from your cousin (just like man didn't 'come' from monkeys).  Rather you share a common ancestor in the form of your grandparents (just like humans and monkeys back in the Miocene period more than 20 million years ago link).  Darwin didn't state anything about human development in his theory or his book "On the Origin of Species".  Granted he was well aware of the implications (though they weren't proven for many years) but since he never wrote or stated anything about monkeys and man we can put the lie to the idea that Darwin put a monkey skull on a human skeleton and claimed proof of his theory.

Lastly the theory of evolution doesn't say anything about denying God.  In fact many modern religious people now believe in what is called Theistic Evolution.  Basically God used evolution to create life as it is today as part of his divine plan.   A religious friend of mine once said "God isn't magic.  He uses nature to perform his will".  So Darwin and evolution does not deny the existence of God.

Darwin, in fact, doesn't even mention God in "The Origin of Species" or his theory of evolution.  But maybe that's the problem.

Sometimes it just takes a picture of a monkey taking a bath to make me laugh out loud.

Image Credit.

Pagi tadi, saya cuba mendapatkan sebuah hidupan liar disebuah kawasan di sepanjang perjalanan Jalan Muar. Malangnya pagi tersebut cuaca hujan dan saya cuba pergi melihat tempat tersebut. Memang tidak ada kera pun disana kerana hari hujan tetapi apa yang menarik perhatian saya kerana terdapat kerbau liar berkubang disana. Kerbau pun tidak kelihatan, mungkin disebabkan cuaca hujan. Setelah pulang dengan dibasahi hujan, saya yang kebosanan pusing sekitar halaman rumah dan dibelakang rumah keluarga saya terdapat sebuah belukar yang menjadi habitat baru untuk kumpulan kera. Dahulunya kawasan rumah keluarga saya mempunyai belukar/hutan yang tidak terusik. Menjadi pelbagai habitat haiwan dan bermacam-macam haiwan liar saya dapat lihat tetapi disebabkan pembangunan yang berleluasa, ancaman terhadap habitat haiwan tersebut menyebabkan haiwan-haiwan tersebut menjadikan kawasan penempatan manusia sebagai habitat baru mereka dan sumber makanan bagi haiwan tersebut.

* I wish i have 500mm @ 600mm tele-lens :D *

Break the chopstick cleanly in half.

Here is a closeup of the chopstick.

Can you see the faces?

Here they are:

Isn't that cute?

Here is a picture of Alex doing what he does best, sporting his new outfit custom ordered from inktastic.com with dad in mind.

If you wash yourself with raw onion, you might expect some aggression from your friends. Now it seems the same holds true of some primates – but for rather different reasons.

For capuchin monkeys, rubbing themselves with pungent-smelling plants is normally a communal and perhaps even a therapeutic activity.

Wild capuchins are known to get together and rub their fur with plants like citrus and peppers that have antifungal or antiseptic properties.

Some biologists think that the behavior is medicinal, and that the monkeys are ridding themselves of parasites with their plant rubs. But until now no-one had looked to see what happens after the communal rubs.

Annika Paukner and Stephen Suomi at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development in Poolesville, Maryland, observed 15 captive capuchins who liked to rub themselves with yellow onions – which also contain high levels of antifungal or antiseptic compounds.

They watched what happened after giving the monkeys either onion or apple as a control, five times a week for five months.

The researchers found that while the capuchins were very social with one another during the onion washing, this polite behavior vanished afterwards, and levels of aggression increased.

Capuchins are thought to signal their relative ranking in the colony by urinating on their hands and feet, so the smell of the onion might be overpowering that signal, says Paukner.

"We think the scent of onions may make detecting the scent of urine difficult or even impossible, which may cross wires in the capuchin social circles and explain the increased aggression," she says.

Lesson for today: Don't wash with onions around Capuchins. They'll tear you apart!

negative letters to parents from teacher –Don't see this too often, seems teachers can't really get too negative in letters to parents anymore. Long ago, a teacher could write a letter to a parent outlining all the social, mental and emotional problems about a troubled student. The parent often looked at this with compassion and understanding, even taking the time out to thank the teacher for pointing out potential problems. Teachers spend more time with the students than the parents do, so it is vital the teacher contact the family and discuss what needs to be done to help the child. Nowadays, this type of critiquing is considered an affront to the parents. How dare they say there's a problem with my child! Obviously the teacher doesn't know how to handle students! In rare instances, this may be the case, but my advice is to listen to the teacher and take this opportunity to HELP your child's development, not hinder it. I wasn't the greatest student or best behaved kid myself…and my parents listened to my teachers. What can I say? I went to a great school and had great teachers.

pringles small –Its rude to comment on the size of someone's Pringles. Not everybody's Pringles are the same size!

"jellyfish brain" meaning – How ironic that you (whoever you may be) are looking for the meaning of this. It means you're stupid. No, really! I'm not being a jerk, that's what it means! Don't be that way, I didn't mean it personally! Come back! Ahh…forget it.

the power of idiots - Nothing is more powerful than a group of idiots coming together and deciding things. See: Iraq War. Also see: My Home Owners Association. This Demotivator is right on the money:

what kinds of monkeys will not attack you - When it comes to monkeys, assume all monkeys will attack you. Never turn your back on a monkey, unless, of course, he's trying to scratch your face off.

can you survive on peanut butter – I understand food prices are sky high, but just eating peanut butter alone won't work. Even Elvis had to eat more than PB&J. He had a PB&J&B (which was either a Peanut butter, Barbiturate and Jelly sandwich with Bananas or a Peanut Butter sandwich with J&B)

positive and negative of volcanoes -
Volcanoes have positive and negative sides, just like all things. On the one side, volcanoes erupt spewing lava that creates islands or enrich soil on existing land masses, but on the bad side, if you live near the spewing lava, fire insurance is very expensive. When Mt. Pinatubo erupted in 1991 it actually cooled the planet by a degree. When Mt. Vesuvius erupted it killed at least 1150 people. Volcanoes can supply us with geothermal energy. Unfortunately many volcanoes are used as the lairs of many an evil Genius.

how to start bad employee review - This one's tricky. Are you asking how to start a "bad" employee review or how to start a review of a bad employee?

If you want to write a bad review, starting off with profanity is always a good…or in this case bad way to start a review. Getting personal is also a bad tactic. Being specific about the employee's looks, eating habits and even their spouse is a perfect way to offend. Be as vague as possible so the employee will have no way to improve since they won't even know what issues you are addressing.

If you want to write a review for a bad employee…well that's a bit different. First and foremost, be honest. Sugar coating the issue and hoping it goes away won't fix anything. Don't just describe the problem, show clear examples of the problems at hand. Try to show some compassion but also let it be known that these problems need to be effectively handled. Not everyone is great at their jobs; many may not even be good at them. Reviews allow you to openly identify weaknesses and allow opportunities for improvement. They also show justification for letting someone go if the problems do not get resolved.