"Get rid of bad music now."

By: Paul G. Atkinson IV

"Respect your elders."

This is a notion far too often misinterpreted. Respect for your elders does not simple mean respect the past, respect what is old, and what has simply existed before you. What was supposed to be said here was: "Respect the wise."

A lot of old people are wise. But, a lot of old people are batshit insane, bigoted, deranged, mentally ill, and completely worthless. Both these statements are true of old bands.

Respect the founders who shaped the music you listen to today. Respect Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Buddy Rich, Robert Johnson etc… but even the greats can't be accepted fully. Don't just eat what they feed you. Only respect what is actually good.

For example: Only respect The Who's material before Keith Moon died. Only respect The Rolling Stones before they dabbled in disco and Alt-country. Simply do not listen to the songs Rush wrote during their synth period. Do not under any circumstances try to appreciate anything the Sex Pistols did besides "Never Mind The Bollocks" because everything else is a cash grab embarrassment.

Now, once you've got that down, once you've thrown out The Doors albums without Jim Morrison and said, "Fuck Wings, that shit is not the Beatles!" now it's time to reject the albums of your youth.

Chances are that only a few albums that came out during your lifetime are worth keeping. Keep in kind the following:

"Original" doesn't necessarily mean "memorable." Some say Nirvana is an over-rated band. Well, guess what? They are. Still, it's worth keeping their albums, they're influential and listenable. This is different from bands like Fugazi, who, though very influential, are not listenable at all. In fact, they serve no purpose anymore but that of historical reference. You are allowed to name drop them, but never love them.

"Progressive" does not mean "influential." Every album that you own, that when you turn on and crank up the volume elicits this conversation…

Best friend: "Dude, what the fuck are we listening to!?!?"

Your response: "Just listen to how complex this is man! They're crazy musicians!!!"
…should simply be thrown out.

A band is never automatically good just because it is comprised of good musicians. There is simply no correlation. This is why The Ramones are good and Dream Theater sucks. This is why The Clash are great on "London Calling" but are forgettable on "Sandinista!" This why bands like The #12 Looks Like You and Genghis Tron are only loved by people who hate pop music, but can't write anything listenable themselves. This is the reason people like Steve Vai, Terry Bozio, Joe Satrianni, Mike Portnoy, Les Claypool, and all the like are simply worthless.

In no way at all does "I loved that as a kid" mean "This album will never get old, boring, or leave its place in my heart." While cleaning house this summer I found my childhood record collection - which was unhidden, simply because I had learned to ignore its existence. There were records from bands such as LFO, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, and 98 Degrees…

It is not my fault I grew up in an age where boy bands raped the youth of the land. It is not my fault that those bands were popular before I bought my own albums and people like my grandma were the source of my CD collection. What is completely and unforgivably my fault is the fact that I did not huck every one of those albums out my window, into a fire, or into the ocean.

Bad music simply needs to be eradicated from this earth. It is as simple as that.

Originally posted on the infamous Fuck Squad Blog: June 26, 2008

It's not just a magazine with an ambiguous audience. (Does a picture of a dude stroking his fully erect wang appeal more to women or gay men?) It's a feminist institution.

An explanation of the title here.

UPDATE: So, in case you haven't followed the above link to the Westboro Baptist Church's website, go here instead. The church was recently sued for $10.9 million and lost. In the linked video, the church members tell why it's a good thing. My favorite quote? "We thank God for the $10.9 million verdict because, adjusted for inflation, it is roughly the same as the 30 pieces of silver Jesus was sold for."

*If all else fails you can always take the easy way out, no, not suicide, I don’t condone that, where I was going was drugs, alcohol, ect…
This is only a temporary – and very often an unsuccessful, depressing, and life ruining – way to escape.  Still, remember: No Excuses!

Too many people never do what they love for a living.  In fact, too many people don’t even do what they marginally like for a living, they don’t even do what they dislike for a living, they end up doing something they hate and completely despise for a living.

Cheap tricks like “benefits,” notions of gaining “good experience,” and, more than likely, the inspiration of cash dollars all keep the majority of modern civilization stuck in four by four foot boxes of confinement known to many as cubicles.  These things are simply cages.  The desk job employee is simply an animal.  You are an exhibit of exploitation.  You are overworked, underpaid, abused, and underappreciated.

Now, if I said money doesn’t matter I would either be a blatant liar or fucking idiot.  This is capitalism.  This is a material world.  We are all material girls.  Or something like that.

We need food and drink to live.  These things cost money, at least most the time.  Unless you’re a Freegan (which is one of the stupidest life paths to commit to ever conceived), a thief, or going to die of starvation, then you’re going to need money to live long enough to let go of the shit job you’ve got and live the American Dream.

Let’s all just pretend the American Dream didn’t die years ago.  Let’s all imagine modern Horatio Algers just wandering around with pockets full of dollar bills and magic dreams.  Let’s make the assumption what we really desire in life is in our reach during the short lives we all live.  Let’s assume we can grab the bull of life by the horns, make it our bitch, and ride it until our asses hurts and our thighs are chapped.

What now?  What’s the goddamn plan?  What’s the first step on the path towards the pursuit of happiness?

It is yet another answer that you’ve probably already figured out, an answer that you’ll probably say is over simplified, but remember: No Excuses!  The answer to the million dollar question is: let it go.  Quit.  Retire.  Move on.  Start over.

Do what you love.  Forget everything else.

Never think that there is no escape.  No matter what!

If you are not married you can simply walk away.  Do not fucking complicate this.  Do not make stupid excuses.  This is a fact.  Sever your ties as soon as you get a sensation of any of these feelings: boredom, anger, restlessness, sadness, detachment, disappointment… just to name a few.

If your significant other lies: leave them.  Remember, I said it before: No Excuses!

Being alone is never better than being in a relationship.  This is always true.  But, what is also certainly true is that being alone is always better than being in a bad relationship.  If you cannot find a good relationship then do not enter one.

Listen up: you’ve always got your hands (unless you’ve had some tragic accident I’m unaware of… if this is the case I am greatly sorry for you.  I never want to be you).  They will always be there for you.

Alternative options: during this day and age anyone can easily find one (or more depending on what you’re into) piece(s) of technology out there that will satisfy the needs of lust.  In no manner of speech am I ever going to say that self-fabricated pleasure is superior to the touch of another, but if you’re alone long enough to lust, you’re alone long enough to figure out how to satisfy every one of your animalistic instincts, at least temporarily.

Oh yeah, for those of you that are married, well this is still pretty simple, there is just one extra step to the process: Instead of simply walking away, you first have to fill out some bureaucratic paperwork and probably conjure up some cash money to pay for a lawyer… but then you can be on your way.  You may think I’m making this far simpler than it is in reality – in that thing some people call real life – well, the thing is, you are wrong.

Remember: No Excuses!  I’m going to keep fucking saying it.  Get it ingrained in that head of yours.

This is all about letting go of what you don’t need, about letting go of what is stupid, worthless, confusing, and time wasting.  So the exception here is if you actually somehow managed to find a solid and loving relationship in this fucked up world.  If you are one of the lucky mother fuckers to get on that small boat, lucky enough to even see that boat one of the very few times it was docked at port, then I commend you.  Great job!

If you are in a flawless relationship – a few really do exist – keep that shit!!!  Under all circumstances, if that stuff is real, if it is not simply excuses, if it is more than you being too lazy or afraid to find something better: stay, sit, lay down.  Good dog.  You deserve a little treat.

Love is the most intense and desirable emotion anyone on this earth can experience.  Sadly, most of the time love is a lie, just a big fucking trick.  Always check, double check, triple check, and then keep fucking checking periodically to make sure what you got is real.

*Have any Tricks & Tips to help with letting go?  Post them in the comments.

A lot of old people are wise.

But, a lot of old people are batshit insane, bigoted, deranged, mentally ill, and completely fucking worthless.

Both these statements are true of old bands.

Respect the founders who shaped the music you listen to today.  Respect Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Buddy Rich, Robert Johnson ect… but even the greats can’t be accepted fully.  Don’t just eat what they feed you.  Only respect what is actually good.

For example: Only respect The Who’s material before Keith Moon died.  Only respect The Rolling Stones before they dabbled in disco and Alt-country.  Simply do not listen to the songs Rush wrote during their synth period.  Do not under any circumstances try to appreciate anything the Sex Pistols did besides “Never Mind The Bollocks” because everything else is a cash grab shitstorm.

Now, once you’ve got that down, once you’ve thrown out The Doors albums without Jim Morrison and said, “Fuck Wings, that shit is not the Beatles!” now it’s time to reject the albums of your youth.

Chances are that only a few albums that came out during your lifetime are worth keeping.  Keep in kind the following:
-“original” doesn’t necessarily mean “memorable”
-“progressive” does not mean “influential”
-in no way at all does “I loved that as a kid” mean “This album will never get old, boring, or leave its place in my heart.”

Issues at hand:
“Original” – Some say Nirvanna is an over-rated band.  Well, guess what?  They are.  Still, it’s worth keeping their albums, they’re influential and listenable.  This is different from bands like Fugazi, who, though very influential, are not listenable at all.  In fact, they serve no purpose anymore but that of historical reference.  You are allowed to name drop them, but never love them.

“Progressive” – Every album that you own, that when you turn on and crank up the volume elicits this conversation…
Best friend: “Dude, what the fuck are we listening too!?!?”
Your response: “Just listen to how complex this is man!  They’re crazy musicians!!!”
…should simply be thrown out.

A band is never automatically good just because it is comprised of good musicians.  There is simply no correlation.  This is why The Ramones are good and Dream Theater sucks.  This is why The Clash is great on “London Calling” but sucks on “Sandinista!”  This why bands like The #12 Looks Like You and Genghis Tron are only loved by people who hate pop music, but can’t write anything listenable themselves.  This is the reason people like Steve Vai, Terry Bozio, Joe Satrianni, Mike Portnoy, Les Claypool, and all the like are fucking worthless.

“I loved that as a kid” – I had an attractive girl over my house the other day.  She has a great taste in music and she thought the same of me until something disastrous happened… She found my childhood record collection – which was unhidden, simply because I had learned to ignore its existence.

She found records from bands such as LFO, Backstreet Boys, N’Sync, and 98 Degrees…
It is not my fault I grew up in an age where boy bands raped the youth of the land.  It is not my fault that those bands were popular before I bought my own albums and people like my grandma were the source of my CD collection.  What is completely and unforgivably my fault is the fact that I did not huck every one of those albums out my window, into a fire, or into the fucking ocean.

Bad music simply needs to be eradicated from this earth.  It is as simple as that.

Now you might ask, “But, how do I define what music is good?”  Well, good fellow, you are lucky enough to being living in an age where it is easier than ever to find the answer to this age old question.

One option is to simply read anything by Chuck Klosterman.  Just make sure you ignore anything he says about KISS, that’s the only band he has misjudged.  Sadly here Chuck made a huge fucking mistake, because in actuality KISS sucks, not just a little, but really hard.  Aside from that though, he’s a great source to steal your musical knowledge from.

Another option is to use teh internets.  The thing is that this can be quite tricky because the internet has let little niche groups of people with horrible musical taste to band together and look like they have some kind of widespread, intelligent, majority opinion.  I would say just stick to AMG reviews, they get it right most of the time… just watch out, sometimes they fuck up big time.

Your best option is the one that takes the least effort:
Just read my column, be my friend.
I know my shit.

Now look at your party affiliation. Think about the ideology that party supports, think of the general platform of the party. How much do you agree with it? How much has the party delivered on these high ideals? How many promises has this party kept to you?

Chances are you only vaguely support this party. Chances are that they preach high ideals and do not ever deliver. Chances are this party merely makes you look like an ignorant asshole to everyone that is registered under an opposing party simply because of the name on your voter registration card, simply because the nature of Americans, and their love for competition, regardless of its purpose. “Fight the good fight” has really become “fight the fight.”

So, now what you do is rip up your voter card. Next, go to the DMV or the closest and most convenient place to change your party affiliation. Now, become an independent.

Now you might be saying:
“But my high school American Government teacher always said,
“Don’t be an independent you dummy! You’ll disenfranchise yourself from the primaries!”

Well, I’ve got some breaking news… primaries don’t mean shit.

Seriously, all the decisions made, the conclusions derived, and the answer to the question, “Who will represent our party in the next election?” are made by senior party members in smoke filled back rooms based on an exchange of pork and hand-jobs or what ever fetish is in at the time, i.e. meth, gay prostitutes, child porn, ect…

So just say, “Fuck ‘em all!”

Every major party is going to bend you over and have fun with you. Hell, they might even take you out for a nice seafood dinner before the act, but those cold hearted bitches certainly won’t call you back when they have to reach their hands from their corporate cash lined pockets to grab their acceptance speech on the day of inauguration.

Now you are free. There is no arbitrary loyalty required to any fake mother fucker anymore. Who’s ever in office is your friend when they support you and your enemy when they fuck up. You don’t have to rally around the retard that’s in office, no matter what, just because they share the same party affiliation as you.

By: Paul G. Atkinson IV

A few tips to forget the past and live with no regrets.
(Or at least live with as little regret as possible without being completely apathetic).

*Warning: Paul Atkinson does believe in God, but he doesn’t believe in Hell, and even if he did he doesn’t believe using dirty words like: shit, fuck, damn, ass, cunt, ect… would get him locked up in that shithole. So, yeah, there will be naughty words sprinkled here and there in this series to add a little extra emotion to certain important messages. Enjoy!

Now that the year 2008 is under way there’s been time enough to reflect on the mountains of music that 2007 brought to the ears of many. After weeding out the utterly horrible the best albums of last year have been narrowed down into a handful, thirteen albums:

-Against Me! – New Wave (Punk Rock)
Although diehard fans claimed that Against Me! sold out by signing to Sire, these Gainesville punks did the most anti-establishment thing possible: made a great album that redefined their sound without giving a shit what anyone thought about them.
Key Tracks: “Thrash Unreal,” “White People for Peace”

-Anberlin – Cities (Emotional Indie Rock)
Thoughtful and powerful songs of love, loss, and hope. A cohesive album that combines choruses you can’t get out of your head with explosive rock riffs, piano laden heartfelt love songs, an album that never makes you want to skip ahead.
Key Tracks: “Godspeed” “Dismantle. Repair.”

-The Arcade Fire – Neon Bible (Indie/Art Rock)
While their first album, Funeral, dealt with death and private grief, the Arcade Fire’s newest album takes on the terrifying world of 2007, channeling Springsteen and the Pixies to create a beautiful, frightening picture of Bush’s America.
Key Tracks: “Keep the Car Running,” “Intervention”

-Arctic Monkeys – Favourite Worst Nightmare (Indie/Retro Rock)
Already the darlings of NME and the rest of the British music media, Arctic Monkeys proved that they were more than just hype, making a second album that branched out into the band’s new-rave roots and showed that they were more than one-hit wonders.
Key Tracks: “Fluorescent Adolescent,” “505”

-Circa Survive – On Letting Go (Melodic Emo Rock)
Anthony Green belts out higher notes than man should be able to. Impressive musicianship, catchy choruses, and introspective, emotional lyrics will make you want to put this album on repeat.
Key Tracks: “The Difference Between Medicine And Poison Is In The Dose” “In The Morning And Amazing”

-Every Time I Die – The Big Dirty (Hardcore Rock N’ Roll)
A balls to the wall, face-punching hardcore album with an in your face southern rock tinge. A non-stop, fast paced album, full of surprisingly witty lyrics, and enough breakdowns to bring satisfaction to any angst-ridden day.
Key Tracks: “We’rewolf” “Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Battery”

-The Fall of Troy – Manipulator (Progressive Emo Core)
This trio creates some of the most technical, unique, and epic music of our time. With face melting guitars, catchy choruses, and demonic scream ridden breakdowns, you’re in for a memorable ride of chaos and beauty.
Key Tracks: “Seattlantis” “Semi-Fiction”

-Four Year Strong – Rise Or Die Trying (Happy Hardcore)
If you read my review of this on earlier in the year and still haven’t picked this album up yet, then you’re really missing out. Fun and fast paced, pop punk meets metal, blink-182 meets Comeback Kid.
Key Tracks: “Heroes Get Remembered, Legends Never Die” “Maniac (R.O.D.)”

-Portugal. The Man – Church Mouth (Experimental Indie Rock)
An impressively unique sound; high pitched crooning falsettos akin to Zeppelin, organ parts like the doors, funky drums, and sing-a-long songs with Dylan-esque, nearly nonsense lyrics make it feel like the 70’s all over again.
Key Tracks: “Church Mouth” “Bellies Are Full”

-Radiohead – In Rainbows (Experimental Rock)
Most of the buzz that surrounded In Rainbows was because of its revolutionary internet release, but that overshadows the fact that this is the most stunning, accessible, gorgeous music that Radiohead has made in ten years.
Key Tracks: “Bodysnatchers,” “Weird Fishes/Arpeggi”

-Say Anything – In Defense Of The Genre (Emotional Indie Rock)
You get your money’s worth with this one, a 27 song, double disc, concept album with no filler, not one bad song. This has everything from danceable radio hits, to angsty emo rock sagas, mellow acoustic tunes, piano ballads, and plenty of catchy pop punk anthems.
Key Tracks: “The Church Channel” “Baby Girl, I’m A Blur”

-Thrice – The Alchemy Index: Vol. I-II – Fire & Water (Experimental Post-Hardcore)
Another album I had the chance to review: powerful songs crossing genres; one disc is Fire themed, full of fiery metal riffs and screams; the other disc is water themed, piano and electronic drums meet soaring vocal melodies.
Key Tracks: “Burn The Fleet” “Digital Sea”

-The White Stripes – Icky Thump (Blues/Garage Rock)
Icky Thump may not be the Stripes’s best effort (that honor goes to 2003’s Elephant), but it’s certainly a solid album, letting Jack White fully embrace his inner Jimmy Page. And, as everyone knows, a good White Stripes album is better than a great album from any other band.
Key Tracks: “Icky Thump,” “You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You’re Told)”

El año 2007 ha estado lleno de sorpresas, anuncios, retiros, crecimientos... y a ésta hora, encontrandome todavía en las últimas horas... es necesario hacer un Top en los ámbitos que a muchos nos importan que han marcado éste 2007.

Y empezamos con uno de los lanzamientos que más me llamó la atención...

Álbum del año.

In Rainbows de Radiohead, es considerado el álbum del año por diferentes aspectos... ¿Pero cuáles consideramos aquí?; Para empezar, la estrategia de ventas que utilizó Radiohead para darlo a conocer, la música que es una recopilación de todos los trabajos... ¡Y la sacudida al mundo que dio!. Sólo para que tengan una idea, pueden entrar a last.fm para que vean el top de canciones... Y sí, el top está dominado por las canciones de In Rainbows; En fin, sin nada más que decir... El mejor álbum del año es de Radiohead.

Mención especial: Alive 2007, Daft Punk. On Letting Go, Circa Survive

Película del año

Concentrandome en lo que es el cine de taquillas, éste año ha sido algo no muy fructífero... Pero no por eso no dejamos de ver películas tan buenas como es 300, o Ratatouille.
Entre éstas dos he considerado que ésta la película del año, y por su valor histórico, fílmico, y más cosas... 300 es la película que sobrepasó todo lo que se pensaba.
Lo único que puedo decir, que lástima que no haya podido verla en cine... Maldita clasificación C.

Mención especial: Ratatouille

Web 2.0
Las cosas se ponen medio locas acá con la Web 2.0, y creo que lo mejor... sin duda, de éste año fue el poderio de las redes sociales.
Twitter se lleva el premio, ese servicio de bloggear en menos de 140 caracteres es simplemente genial.
Mención especial: YouTube

Gadgets
Lo pensé mucho, y por el momento pensé en poner el iPhone... pero hablando con mi buen compañero Enzo (Por cierto, escuchen su podcast) definitivamente el Gadget del año es: el iPod Touch.
Las razones, es lo que se necesitaba... Ojalá pudiera tener uno en mis manos o en su defecto un MyLO.
iPod Touch.

WTF del año
Al gobierno de México por abrir pistas de hielo en el zócalo. ¡Gracias Ebrard!

---

Ahí si pueden, vayan agregando categorias y sus impresiones...
Ahora sí... mañana: Predicciones 2008